House of Cards comes back to Netflix on Friday the 27th and you’ve got a lot you need to do to prepare. First, you gotta find the perfect spot to watch it.
You want somewhere comfy but not too comfy because you need to stay awake and alert to keep up with Frank’s conniving tactics. You also want somewhere private so you don’t get any interruptions, because dammit, this is the most important binge-watching you’ll do all year.
The most important preparation you need to make is the food. There are certain foods that’ll help you enjoy Frank and Claire’s shenanigans to the max. Panicking about what those foods are? Don’t worry, I’m not an Underwood, I’ve got your back.
Let’s face it, it’s impossible not to crave ribs while watching Frank devour a rack of perfectly cooked ribs made by Freddy. Channel your inner Frank Underwood with some falling-off-the-bone, dripping-in-barbecue-sauce ribs. Frank loves ribs from Freddy’s BBQ Joint so much that he even has Freddy cater his dinner with el presidente himself.
If you don’t have easy access to ribs BBQ potato chips are a nice crunchy (and cheap) substitute.
Who could forget the giant peach from season 1? Pay tribute to Frank by eating some peaches as an ode to his South Carolinian roots. Extra points if you speak in a southern drawl while eating.
Peach flavored iced tea also works since peaches aren’t super available this time of year. Pretend you’re on porch sippin’ sweet tea and talkin’ politics.
One of the many “oh my god I freaking love this show” moments happened when Frank turned to the camera and said “I love that woman, I love her more than sharks love blood.” Celebrate that moment with gummy sharks. #neverforget
Toast the baddest bitch in DC with a nice cold class of H20. In House of Cards, Claire Underwood worked for the Clean Water Initiative where she ruthlessly controlled her employees. Drink some water and bow down to Queen Claire.
You don’t want to get on an Underwood’s bad side. One of Frank’s many ways of showing this is when he gets so angry at Raymond Tusk that he throws an expensive steak into a pool. Chow down on some steak (preferably one that isn’t soggy and full of chlorine) and do your best to stay on Frank’s good side.
Steak might be hard to come by for the average broke student, so beef jerky will do just fine.
We’ve toasted Claire, so it’s only fair that we toast Frank. This time use his drink of choice: some high quality bourbon. Don’t go too hard on the bourbon though, you want to remember what happens while you watch.
Coffee is prime for two reasons. One, Frank hates sleep and even says in classic Frank Underwood fashion, “I’ve always loathed the necessity of sleep. Like death, it puts even the most powerful men on their backs.”
And two, you’re not gonna wanna sleep because you’ve got too many episodes to watch. Stay powerful, stay awake.
More guides to binging (on both food and TV shows):
More food porn ahead:
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