My toddler will not sleep.
Do you know how difficult it is to get a toddler to do something they decidedly do NOT want to do?
It’s practically impossible. And by practically impossible, I mean that after attempting to do so, you will find yourself slumped on the couch, looking for answers in the bottom of a box of cheap white.
While your toddler runs around the house wearing a shirt as pants, feeding the dog Cap’n Crunch.
What I really do not understand is why children do not WANT to sleep. Sleep is necessary for life, much like breathing air or eating cookies. Why on earth would a human be programmed to hate the very thing that is necessary for survival?
The only explanation I can come up with is that my child is not human.
The problem with toddlers is that they are old enough to act out, but not quite old enough to understand things like reasoning or “you are grounded for a month.” What is grounding to a toddler? I could take away television, but I promise you that it would hurt me eight billion times more than it would hurt her. There she’d be, hanging on my leg and begging for fruit snacks while I looked at the television longingly, tears in my eyes.
Last night I walked by Lucy’s room at 10 pm, peeking in the tiny crack in her door. I expected she’d be lying in bed, sleeping and angelic. In hindsight, I do not know why I expected this. Perhaps it was temporary insanity, or maybe I specialize in denial.
Regardless, there she was, sitting on the floor surrounded by Disney Princess Barbies, brushing their hair and singing in a whisper. What she was singing, I am not certain. In fact, I suspect that it might have actually been some sort of devilish chant. I put nothing past that child at this point. What I DO know, is that I didn’t hang around long enough to find out.
I ran. I ran down the hallway before she spotted me, collapsing on the couch. I just can’t, you guys. I just can’t. After three long years of fighting, I have thrown in the towel.
If you need me, I’ll be stuffing my face with cake and hiding from my children.
This cake is one of the best cakes I have made in some time. It’s chocolatey and moist, with a gooey marshmallow topping. The red color is perfect for Valentine’s Day, which is a nice bonus.
- 2 sticks salted butter, slightly softened
- 1 3/4 cups granulated sugar
- 4 large eggs
- 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 1/4 cups buttermilk
- 4 ounces semisweet chocolate, melted and cooled
- 1 ounce red food coloring
For the Frosting:
- 1 7 ounce jar marshmallow fluff
- 1/2 stick salted butter
- 3 tablespoons milk
- 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
- 1 cup chopped pecans
- 1 cup miniature marshmallows
- Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter and flour an 18x12 sheet pan and set aside.
- In the bowl of your mixer, beat butter and sugar on medium speed until fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each. Beat in vanilla.
- In a small bowl, combine flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. With the mixer on medium speed, gradually add to the butter mixture alternately with the milk, starting and ending with the flour mixture and beating until just barely combined after each addition. Fold in melted chocolate and food coloring until combined.
- Spoon batter into prepared pan and bake for 17-20 minutes, until the top springs back when lightly touched in the center.
- Spoon marshmallow fluff over the top of the warm cake and let it melt while you prepare chocolate frosting.
- Melt butter in a small saucepan over medium heat.
- Whisk in cocoa powder and milk, stirring until mixture is thickened and begins to boil. Remove from heat and whisk in powdered sugar until smooth.
- Pour frosting over the cake, then swirl the marshmallow and chocolate frosting together with a spatula.
- Sprinkle with marshmallows and pecans and let cool.