2014’s Top ‘Talker’ Stories

2014’s Top ‘Talker’ Stories

From a blow to everyone’s favorite mass-market hoagie purveyor to a Philly man with some NSFW uses for dairy, these are the local stories that had you laughing, balking and sometimes asking, “Say what?!” this year. - Chelsea Karnash

‘Swiss Cheese Pervert’ On The Loose In Philadelphia

It was a saga that will forever make you rethink the inclusion of Swiss on that ham sandwich. Philadelphia’s ‘Swiss Cheese Pervert,’ nee Christopher Pagano, shot to Internet fame after disturbing photos of him inside a car with a slice of Swiss over his nether regions surfaced on the Mayfair Townwatch Facebook page. After four victims claimed he tried to pay them to watch him put cheese on his genitals, the Philly resident with a fetish for fromage pleaded guilty to several charges, including harassment and indecent exposure.

Reading’s ‘Pathetic’ ‘Ugly’ Tree To Stay Put

Was Reading’s spindly spruce ‘Charlie Brown’ cute or an embarrassment to the city? The 50-foot pretzel-topped tree caused public outcry after some said it was too scrawny to stay at its post at 5th & Penn, but officials eventually declared the tree would remain as a symbol of the holiday spirit…and would be decorated like its cartoon predecessor.

Penn Course Requires Students ‘Waste Time’ Online To Earn College Credit

College students are no stranger to wasting time on the web, but a new course at Penn actually required they do it. Earn credits “to stare at the screen for three hours, only interacting through chat rooms, bots, social media and listservs?” Count us in!

Man Accused Of Squeezing Woman’s Toes At South Jersey ShopRite

He’s no Swiss Cheese Pervert, but soccer moms off to the market in South Jersey breathed a sigh of relief when this oddball suspect with a fetish for feet was arrested two weeks after squeezing a woman’s toes in Mount Laurel.

Shocker: Another Convenience Store Beat Out Wawa For America’s Favorite

Wawa fanatics all over shed a tear or two into their six-inch shorties (and we mean the sandwiches, get your mind out of the gutter!) after the little known QuikTrip beat out Philly’s favorite convenience store in a nationwide survey. Blasphemy, you say? We agree – but at least we beat gaudy arch enemy Sheetz.

Hershey Unwraps New Corporate Logo, But Some Think It Resembles A Certain Emoji

The semi-local candy co. unveiled a new logo this summer, but not all were poo-leased with it. In fact, some thought the new cartoon kiss actually resembled something else entirely. But whether you think the design belongs in the toilet or not, Hershey stood by its choice, saying that “while rooted in a rich heritage, the new corporate brand reflects a modern, approachable look.”

Motto Engraved On New Moorestown Library Translates To ‘We Second Guess All’

“We Confirm All Things Twice.” That’s what one South Jersey town thought it had engraved on its new library. But it turns out Latin really is the hardest language, because their Google research actually translated to “We Second Guess All.” Oops – what’s Latin for “We tried”?

Bathrooms At Longwood Gardens Voted Best In America

Forget the thousand acres of rare plants and awe-inspiring fountains – Longwood’s most recent claim to fame is its bathrooms. In fact, the restrooms at this historic Pennsylvania attraction were voted the best in the country, meaning that the next time you have to go, you might want to make a detour to Kennett Square.

Pa. Liquor Control Board Warns Of Exploding Wine Bottles

Customers who bought a certain brand of prosecco from Pa. state-run liquor stores were urged to “use caution” when handling the product after reports of exploding bottles. And you thought the only thing you had to worry about during your Saturday night drinking spree was that impending hangover…

Ice Bucket Challenge Donations Reach $22.9 Million To ALS Association

Everywhere you looked on social media this summer, people were dumping buckets of freezing cold water over their heads in the name of charity. And while the #IceBucketChallenge raised MILLIONS for ALS (also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease), it did get a little bit annoying to see everyone from former-president George W. Bush to, um, your mom partaking in an unintentional wet t-shirt contest. Whatever happened to mailing a check?

Honorable Mentions

Atlantic City Casino To Offer Pot-growing Program

Philly Ranked The Best City To Be A Vampire In

Wilmington Chicken Thief Arrested After Hiding Birds At Daycare, Then Stabbing Employee Who Confronted Him