ID 110251938 © Jerry Coli | Dreamstime.com
We know Disney is supposed to be the happiest place on earth, but with foods like these on the menu, we’re shocked it’s not also the fattest place on Earth. Seriously, these eats and treats are absolutely ridiculous.
Being on vacation makes indulging just that much more tempting. And that’s totally okay. To everyone’s surprise, letting loose on vacation could actually help you to lose weight, not gain it. However, the over-the-top, food-challenge-worthy dishes offered at Disney’s theme parks could be enough to throw you overboard.
At one park, they fill an entire sand bucket with full-fat, creamy ice cream. At another location, they put a whole fatty fish in the deep fryer and call it a meal. They just send the whole thing to your table in one giant, single, breaded serving.
It takes more than imagination to conjure up these wild dishes — and it should take more people than could possibly be sitting at your large family table to finish each one.
The website describes this menu option as: Sushi grade ahi, Asian slaw, crispy fried wontons, wasabi aïoli, and a sweet soy glaze. Sounds innocent enough, right?
So wrong. This item is a gigantic plate of fried wontons that function as the “chips” beneath the unbelievable nacho toppings, covered in oily glaze, a fatty slaw, and so much aïoli. Aïoli is essentially like mayo, nutritionally speaking — so that’s not great. The ahi tuna is the dish’s only redeeming factor. But even still, this gargantuan appetizer should really be enough for two entire meals.
Let me break this down for you. This dish starts with a 1 1/4-pound split Maine lobster — low-fat and high-protein, sure, but chock-full of more cholesterol than anyone’s blood pressure should be forced to handle. Then, you get the jumbo lump crab stuffing, which you know is a saturated fat overload. Grilled asparagus adds a bit more nutritional value, but then everything is doused in additional Creole butter.
If you somehow make your way through the huge portion, we’re insanely impressed. But we’re also a bit concerned — your heart’s about to be taxed with working through some immense fat intake.
With this order, you are getting a huge portion of starchy pasta, full-fat cheese, mayo-soaked coleslaw, chicken doused in sugary barbecue sauce, and white bread crumbs to finish. There’s a reason no one has put these foods together before: They’re all really calorie-heavy dishes.
The label “stuffed” is a major warning sign for sugar and fat galore. This French toast is no exception. If you eat this for breakfast, you’re eating piles of syrup, cream cheese, and egg-yolk-soaked bread. We hear it’s absolutely ridiculous — in the best and worst way.
Why anyone would want to make a cheeseburger version of fried Asian food is beyond our understanding. But Disney’s done it. They took a cheeseburger and made it worse for you, simply by frying it. These small bites are served as snacks, but each one has more calories than some entire meals. Consume with caution.
Completely personalized funnel cakes are all you’ll find at this “snack cart.” However, we’re more inclined to call this trough of sugar a dessert rather than your average snack. The deep fried, powdered-sugar-coated dough is further coated with syrups and chocolate — but not before they throw an entire brick slab of dense ice cream on top. Don’t think that’s enough? Don’t fret: An Oreo provides the pile with an excessively sugary finish.
Why have pizza for breakfast when you can have a huge calzone? We think they’re taking the whole “authentic Italian food” thing a little too far with this one. We don’t think Italians eat huge pockets of cheese and oil-soaked dough before noon — and neither should you.
This dish isn’t just a calzone, either. It’s a calzone stuffed with fatty bacon, salami, sausage, and tons of cheese that’s been lathered with thick, chunky gravy and tomato sauce. We’re getting stuffed just thinking about it.
It’s a huge, fluffy slab of white bread stuffed with a rich lobster salad. Like tuna or chicken salad, lobster salad is thick with mayonnaise and added fats. Of course, bread and lobster on their own are perfectly balanced portions of a meal, what throws this off is the gigantic portion size and the fatty additives. The meal comes with a side of chips, and we aren’t sure why — what this meal was not missing was carbs and fat.
This is exactly what it sounds like: A huge beach pail filled to the brim with ice cream. You can bring it poolside, but we’re not sure why you’d want to. Once you dig in, you’ll need way more than a half hour to digest before diving into deep water. The endless bucket of vanilla ice cream is topped with crunchy chips of waffles cone, cookie pieces, sprinkles, hot fudge, caramel sauce, strawberry sauce, whipped cream, and a cherry.
This Irish pub sells lots of Guinness, but that may be the only (shockingly) healthy item on the menu. They’re all fried, battered, and soaked dishes — but perhaps the heaviest was the Schnitzel Savvy. It’s a huge slab of breaded and fried meat, a layer of greasy ham, bacon-filled baked beans, and a fried egg. To add insult to injury, this fried mountain of saturated fat comes with a side of fries and a sad cluster of oil-soaked arugula. At least they added greens?
School bread is essentially a sweet bread roll stuffed to the brim with vanilla pudding or custard, then doused with sweet icing and toasted coconut flakes. While those who have eaten the bread call it “not too sweet”, we’re skeptical of this review — the fat and sugar content is insane. Each one has over 35 grams of sugar, which is around the same amount as an entire rich bar of chocolate.
Talk about an epic dessert. This menu item made headlines with its insane portion size and wacky combination of sweets and treats.
It features a huge slab of chocolate ice cream, a thick coating of marshmallow cream frosting, a bountiful layer of toasted marshmallows, chocolate pieces poking from pockets in the dense marshmallow, and a flaky graham cracker crust. Not satisfied yet? The whole slab is served sitting in a deep pool of chocolate sauce. Sounds delicious, but like it should be enough to feed all seven dwarves for weeks — not one person as an after-dinner bite.
“Everything but the kitchen sink” just took on a whole new meaning. Honestly, after you eat this dessert, you’ll be leaning over the kitchen sink — vomiting. They literally top these mountains of ice cream with “every topping we have.” And guys, it’s Disney. They have a lot of toppings.
The whole bowl contains 28 components, consisting of eight scoops of ice cream, two cupcakes, and 21 more decadent toppings, one of which is an entire candy bar. It’s topped with an entire can of whipped cream. Who could need even a fraction of this serving of epic proportions is beyond me.
It’s a fan favorite, but it’s not a favorite for your digestion. It might seem healthy, but it’s deceiving. One leg — served as a snack at most Disney parks — totals to an appalling 1,136 calories and 54 grams of fat. There’s nothing about that that’s healthy for snack time, and no amount of walking is going to sound good after ingesting that much tryptophan. Those turkey legs are huge.
Yes, they mean fish as in a whole fish. And they fry the entire thing. Sure, this fish is sustainably sourced, but that doesn’t make it a sustainable part of your diet — this meal will cause your arteries some serious stress. It could cause you some stress, too — one reviewer was appalled at the sight of the fish’s face. “I am completely aware that this is probably some sort of culinary masterpiece, but I personally couldn’t get past the appearance,” he wrote.
Regardless of its horrific appearance, ordering this for dinner is like ordering a bucket full of oil — admittedly with some protein underneath it all.
But still, you might want to avoid this one and try one of these healthy seafood options instead.