For every wonderful pumpkin spice latte in the world, there’s a particular type of evil known as the pumpkin spice chicken sausage. And while the leaves turning into rich shades of red, gold, and orange represent peak nature, you know what happens shortly after you see those picturesque views? The leaves fall, the trees are left barren, and those fallen leaves turn into slippery, hazardous pieces of doom that you have to break your back raking up.
Ask any parent, and they’ll tell you they dread back to school shopping. The malls are crowded, children whine about wanting the $2 folder with Five Nights at Freddy’s on it when a 25 cent plain blue one will do… and doesn't it seem like new boxes of crayons more expensive than you remember as a kid?
Yes, the trees are positively gorgeous when the leaves are changing colors. But you know what happens shortly thereafter? The leaves fall. And the trees are left barren and looking dead.
And dry skin. They’re signature signs that the weather is getting colder and that it’s blustery out. Ugh, peeling lips are never a good look.
The great thing about summer is that you can leave your house or office and just step outside. But once fall and cooler temperatures hit, you have to bundle up before going outside. Leaving a place quickly yet gracefully while you’re zipping up jackets and trying to find your scarf is basically impossible.
Look outside your window after 7 p.m. Yeah, it’s dark out. Just a few short weeks ago, daylight lingered well in to the eight o’clock hour, and those precious few hours between work and bedtime felt so long and open. Now, you’re just tired. It is pitch black outside, after all.
I mean… What’s their purpose? Right? You buy them from the grocery store or farmers market, put them in a decorative bowl, and then… just look at them? But then they go moldy. It’s gross.
On any given weekend during the summer, you can pack up, head to the nearest lake or ocean, and have a wonderful, relaxing day at the beach. But nobody wants to spend the day outside in a swimsuit when it’s a high of 65 degrees.
Those half-days or full days off you got in the summertime? Say goodbye. You’ll have to wait until November to get a day off for Thanksgiving.
You wake up and it’s freezing. Then you go out midday to get lunch and it’s sunny and warm. Then you go back outside at night and it’s literally freezing and your ears are about to fall off. Fall can’t keep a consistent temperature, and it’s maddening.
It’s cold in the mornings (as we just said), so you throw on a tank top, shirt, and a sweater. Then throughout the day, it gets warmer so you take off your cardigan — and crap! — you leave it on your office chair. Layering is maddening.
You know what layering leads to? More laundry. Those sweaters, scarves, tights, socks, and pants won’t wash themselves! It was easier in the summer when all you needed was a sleeveless dress and you were good to go.
If you’re like me, you know that jeans are the enemy. The great thing about summer is that you don’t have to wear them! But when fall hits, you have to put pants back on in order not to freeze your butt off. It’s a sad thing.
Yes, the weather is cooler and the humidity has lowered. That’s a good thing. But those crisp fall days are kind of a myth. It’s a dreary, grey season.
Sure, jumping in big ol’ piles of leaves is fun. And there is no more beautiful natural landscape than that of a forest in peak fall. But you know what is not majestic about leaves? When they fall from trees and become a big, brown mass that you need to rake up. Our shoulders hurt just thinking about it.
Oh ice cream, I barely knew thee. No longer can you enjoy soft serve or sundaes or milkshakes without freezing your butt off.
Sure, leaves are gorgeous, but you know what is absolutely awful about those little brown buggers? They fall from trees, absorb the morning dew and rain water, and then become slippery little devils that are seriously hazardous. I’ve gotten more than a few scrapes and bruises from simply walking outside in the fall.
Some people love Halloween, and I totally get that. But Halloween is one of those holidays where you have so much pressure to do everything right. You need to have the best, most creative costume. You need to go out and get drunk. You need to eat the most candy ever. It’s just exhausting.
Goodbye tank tops, goodbye shorts, goodbye sandals. It feels like we only just got to know each other, but it’s back to the closet for you.
We all know that true fall only lasts for, like, two weeks. Fall just really means “suddenly it’s freezing and actually winter.” Goodness, why is it so cold?!