18 Things You Should Never Buy at Trader Joe’s from 18 Things You Should Never Buy at Trader Joe’s Slideshow

18 Things You Should Never Buy at Trader Joe’s Slideshow

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18 Things You Should Never Buy at Trader Joe’s

18 Things You Should Never Buy at Trader Joe’s

There’s a lot to love about Trader Joe’s. The friendly employees, the well-curated collection of private label products that you can’t find anywhere else, the rush of discovering a tasty new treat you haven’t seen there before. But there are also a few things that even the most loyal TJ’s fans just can’t get on board with, namely the seemingly interminable lines and the occasional products that just don’t taste good. And we’re calling out 18 Trader Joe’s products that you probably shouldn’t waste your money on.

Dips: Curried Carrot & Cashew Dip

Dips: Curried Carrot & Cashew Dip

This is not what we expected.

We were expecting the curry flavor to dominate this product, but it certainly doesn't. In fact, carrot is the primary flavor coming through. It's essentially a tub of creamed carrots, with a few miscellaneous spices and vague cashew flavor throughout... not sweet.

Beverages: Organic Lemon Ginger Herbal Flavored Water

Beverages: Organic Lemon Ginger Herbal Flavored Water

Save your money! The ghost of lemon and ginger present here is just potent enough to ruin the super-neutral taste of plain water, and yet it's not strong nor sweet enough to be any kind of delicious chuggable beverage.

Dairy Products: Mango Chia Pudding With Cultured Coconut Cream

Dairy Products: Mango Chia Pudding With Cultured Coconut Cream

And then there's all the chia seeds... the cup's full of them. Top to bottom. That's just too many.

Bulk Candy: Vienna Coffee Meringues

Bulk Candy: Vienna Coffee Meringues

These things are cavities just waiting to happen.

There's something chalky about the texture that makes biting into these meringues like the dental equivalent of nails on a chalkboard for me.

Meat: Pork Rib Bites

Meat: Pork Rib Bites

Unfortunately, the piggy poppers would have been best left on the shelves. It's the meat itself. It's... just not great.

In general, you’re better off just shopping at your local butcher shop or farmers market. You’ll get fresh meat and at a lower price.

Condiments: Thyme Honey Balsamic Vinaigrette

Condiments: Thyme Honey Balsamic Vinaigrette

It's basically just olive oil if you ask us — and maybe not even the most flavorful olive oil I've ever had. It's pretty bland, pure and simple. But even after ample agitation, the trace amounts of balsamic we dredged up from the bottom of the bottle barely produced anything more tangy or tasty than the first few drab drizzles.

Organic Juice: Trader Joe's Organic Purple Carrot Juice

Organic Juice: Trader Joe's Organic Purple Carrot Juice

This juice does taste vaguely like traditional carrots, but not quite as much as we expected it to. The splash of lemon is barely detectable. A bit more of that tartness might have helped, but I doubt it would have done much to influence the overall essence of the drink. Save your money for a juicer.

Frozen Desserts: Jingle Jangle Ice Cream

Frozen Desserts: Jingle Jangle Ice Cream

This Jingle Jangle stuff must come from a different supplier than TJ’s other ice cream products, because it's so... nondescript. I had to recheck our review to see what's even in it, because all I tasted was cold, hard chunks. Run of the mill. This ice cream is really rather ho-ho-ho-hum.

Appetizers: Nduja Spicy Salami Spread

Appetizers: Nduja Spicy Salami Spread

I scooped up my first bite
And plopped into my mouth
And took only a bite or two
Before it all went south

How I do say it?
It tasted like it had some funk
Not fermented, per se
But still kinda like a skunk

Miscellaneous items: Cotton Kitchen Towels

Miscellaneous items: Cotton Kitchen Towels

Yes, they’re pretty; yes, they’re made in an exotic foreign country; and no, they’re not particularly absorbent. At $6 for three towels, we definitely would recommend buying household items somewhere else.

Seasonal items: Dark Chocolate Pumpkin Spice Salted Caramels

Seasonal items: Dark Chocolate Pumpkin Spice Salted Caramels

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Pumpkin Spice Salted Caramels are a prime example of the trend gone wild.

Take decent dark chocolate. Add wax from a generic autumn-scented candle and a pile of salt from your winter driveway stash. Insert in mouth. Chances are, you'll be happier.

Pre-Made Salads: Trader Joe's Honey Glazed Miso Salmon on Salad Greens

Pre-Made Salads: Trader Joe's Honey Glazed Miso Salmon on Salad Greens

I'm just going to go ahead and tell you to try it if you're desperate for a lo mein-topped salad with Asian-ish dressing. But be prepared to scoop out the salmon and serve it to a stray cat, who very well might pass on it, too.

Snacks: Trader Joe's Cranberry Coconut Snacking Crackers

Snacks: Trader Joe's Cranberry Coconut Snacking Crackers

Literally, after just three or four, I'm coughing up crumbs everywhere.

These crackers do taste somewhat okay, though. Aside from the textural shortcomings, there's nothing all that wrong with the actual cracker itself. I can see but not taste the coconut flakes, mostly because it's too subtle a flavor compared to the wheaty base, the raisins and cranberries (nothing much to say about them)... or the sesame seeds.

 

Yogurt: Avocado Citrus Greek Yogurt

Yogurt: Avocado Citrus Greek Yogurt

Avocado yogurt. It doesn't sound like it should work, and in my humble opinion, it simply doesn't. The best part about this product is that it doesn't really taste that much like avocados. It's much more citrusy than avocado-y. But there's enough avocado to make your mouth a bit confused.

Cereal: Organic Purple Maize Flakes

Cereal: Organic Purple Maize Flakes

Salt. These corn flakes are downright salty. So much so that if TJ's were to market these as tortilla chip cereal, I would think it appropriate. We kinda want to dump some salsa on the cereal to give it a try. It just might work.

Dried Fruit: Triple Fruit Treat

Dried Fruit: Triple Fruit Treat

This “fruit treat” tastes like we chopped up some wax fruit from our Aunt Betty's coffee table and tried to ingest it. Ugh. The "mango" tastes nothing like mango, and we could only tell the blueberries and cranberries apart because of the color difference - it all just blends together in a mass produced blend o' blandness.

Frozen Food: Chicken Breast in Poblano Sauce

Frozen Food: Chicken Breast in Poblano Sauce

The chicken itself in this frozen meal was barely enjoyable. It was fatty and gristly. The sauce was even worse, virtually flavorless. With so many ingredients, we hoped that at least one of them would come through to spice up the dish. But nothing. Just a bland mush.

Frozen Food: Breakfast Burritos

Frozen Food: Breakfast Burritos

These taste like cardboard. That says it all. They do. I'm not sure what process can prevent the natural flavors of eggs, potatoes, turkey bacon, and cheese from coming through at all, but TJ's has apparently discovered one.

Honestly, to call these "bland" would be a gross understatement. We slathered our burritos with Cholula hot sauce in order to finish them.

For 11 more Trader Joe’s products that probably should have never existed, click here, and click here to see which 53 Trader Joe’s products customers and employees love the most.

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Pork Rib Bites

18 Things You Should Never Buy at Trader Joe’s Slideshow