Martha Stewart Fans Are Confused By Her Bagel-Eating Technique

Martha Stewart recently posted on Instagram an odd bagel technique taught to her by her daughter, Alexis Stewart. Reading through her clear step-by-step guide still leads to confusion, but relief comes when looking through the comments and realizing that the whole world is confused. Typically, on a post like this, there are multiple variations of "OMG I need to try this" in the replies. None of that is here.

Her posted bagel procedure involves ripping apart one quarter of a bagel into "sweet little pieces" (a phrase used twice in quick succession) and spreading a "modicum of favorite cream cheese" on each bite. She tags PopUp Bagels, which coincidentally advocates for a rip and dip style, but there is no ad callout. The only bagel shop that would understand a "modicum" of cream cheese would be one that offers scooped bagels. She claims eating a bagel this way is satisfying.

This is perhaps an attempt at a joke written not by a professional comedian but a lifestyle television personality. Near the end of her post she seems to have edited in a "CAN'T ANYONE TAKE A JOKE?????? YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!" If it's a joke, she needed some clarity. Instead of saying her daughter (who just turned 60) taught it to her years ago she needs to make it clear that she demanded this as an 8 year old. Then, each step needs a little dig at 8 year old Alexis not eating it any other way. This could potentially fill the comments with variations of "OMG so funny."

Responses range from pure confusion to anger at diet culture or not enough cream cheese, to the occasional wondering what is the deal with the random lemon wedge on the plate. It doesn't help that Stewart frequently posts useful tips and tricks for the house, so a post like this is not normal.

"Quick question — what's going on?" asked a confused commenter, who was not alone. "Did a pigeon write this," joked another commenter, because surely you would only want to break up a bagel like this if you were forced to eat it with a beak. Most agreed that no sane adult would eat their bagel this way. There were cries of true New Yorkers ordering cream cheese by the shmear, not modicum. Others accused her of rage bait. "Rage bait from Martha!?! Whyyy," came the anguished cry from a fan.

Martha does not seem the type to partake in idle rage baiting; the creator of hard boiled egg guacamole seems too good-hearted for such a pastime. Perhaps someone at PopUp Bagels knows the power of rage bait to drive engagement and nudged Stewart in a direction that was new to her. If it is a joke, one commenter gets it, saying "Guys, she's ribbing her daughter about how she would eat a bagel when she was small. She's not really advocating for only eating a ¼ bagel." Let's hope they're right.