Oh, Whole Foods. The grocery store you love to hate and hate to love. The store beckons like a haven for health food enthusiasts and gluten-free vegans everywhere, boasting product transparency, an impossible-to-replicate ability to remain on top of trends, and enough overpriced produce to feed a small village.
But sometimes, the nationwide chain goes a little too far.
There’s a lot we can tolerate when it comes to ridiculous food trends — but these unnecessary products are so expensive, we have to wonder who else besides Gwyneth Paltrow really purchases any.
There are, of course, ways to shop at Whole Foods without breaking the bank. And a few of these items have arguable rarity or nutritional benefit. But when it comes down to it, no one’s lives have ever changed as dramatically as their bank accounts when they splurged on these unusual items.
A six-pack of juice for nearly fifty dollars? A single square of chocolate for almost ten? When will the madness end?
Yes, you read that right. This stuff is literally just honey. Like, the stuff that comes in the bear-shaped containers you can buy for a few dollars when you’re baking or want something sweet in your yogurt. “manuka”’ honey is the same thing, but it comes from a manuka tree, which grows in Australia and New Zealand.
Despite the juice company’y claim that its juice will “rejuvenate” you, I’m not sure you should be dropping cash on these when you could use that hard earned cash on a vacation. For the same price as a thirty-minute luxury massage, I doubt these juices are worth the hype.
Let me put this in perspective for you: Regular, hardened-when-cold coconut oil costs less than four dollars at Walmart. To melt the stuff, all you need to do is put it in the microwave for a couple of seconds. If you’re cooking with it on the stove, it melts immediately once it’s heated.
So why does a person need coconut oil that never hardens? The world may never know.
The reason for this surcharge is the source of the salmon: the Ducktrap River in Michigan. Considered “gourmet” smoked salmon because of the wild-caught fish and prestigious methods of preserving the meat, this brand far exceeds its counterparts in price per ounce.
This package is four ounces. Typically, four ounces amounts to one serving of meat. These lox will last you one meal — for the same price, you could get a full bagel and lox brunch, capers and all.
The price listed here is for one small individually wrapped square. I’m going to let that sink in. A bite of bliss for a whopping total of…
You’re paying for your calories with this one. While typical two-dollar baking chocolate is laced with rich cocoa and syrupy sugar, this version has the sugar extracted and replaced with stevia, a zero-calorie “all-natural” sweetener. Despite the hype, you can taste the difference. Your wallet can feel the difference, too.
This container amounts to 4 cups, which in regular-milk pricing is approximately a dollar. Why a person requires milk made from pecans when there’s already almond, cashew, soy, and coconut milks out there for much lower prices is beyond me.
Pecans actually have fewer grams of protein and more grams of fat than any other regularly sold nut. Don’t people typically want milk to be higher in protein and lower in fat? What’s going on here?
When raisins are basically being given away at prices nearing a couple of dollars, it’s hard to imagine what’s so different about these “raw” goji berries. First of all, what kind of dried fruit isn’t raw? And second, this supposed “superfood” can’t be all that tasty. Not to mention, there are dozens of other superfoods out there for far cheaper.
“Shoyu” sauce is soy sauce, but from Japan instead of China. This product serves as definitive proof that if you tack a fancy name onto anything, people will pay an arm and a leg just to have it.
What ever happened to the inexpensive Bumble Bee?! We’re not sure either. It’s unclear why these particular cans of tuna are worth over ten more dollars each, but we’re not willing to splurge on the taste test.
Regular brown eggs are usually around two to three dollars. The only difference between these eggs and others is the method of farming the chickens. Even if you wanted a cage-free alternative, you could find them for five dollars or less. What makes these eggs worth twice the price is still pretty unclear.
These cans are 6.4 ounces. A usual 12-ounce can of tomatoes ends up costing less than two dollars, every time. The gourmet nature of the tomatoes and the addition of pricey truffles kicks this tiny can up to a much grander total.