Unpopular Opinion: Why Brunch Is Actually the Worst

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Can anyone actually drink six mimosas anyway?

"How long can I convince the waiter that I'm still eating this, so he'll keep pouring me Champagne?"

Most of us know by now that brunch is generally only good for one thing: An opportunity to get a buzz on before noon. But what else is it good for? Besides the fact that you’re sitting around a table having a couple drinks with friends, not much.

Restaurants know that no matter what’s on the menu, people are going to come for brunch, because brunch isn’t about the food. In turn, they pad out the menu with a handful of boring egg dishes and a couple perfunctory takes on pancakes and French toast, overcharge for them, and then add on a “bottomless” option for an extra $19.99. Notice that the only all-you-can-drink options are generally mimosas (usually made with bottom-of-the-barrel sparkling wine and from-concentrate orange juice) and Bloody Marys (which are impossible to drink quickly). Occasionally “Champagne” is an option as well, but one glass of the cheap, sickly-sweet sparkler (Usually Andre, which retails for about $4.99 per bottle) is more than enough. Kitchen teams in general also hate working brunch because the dishes tend to be boring and uninspired (and nobody enjoys poaching hundreds of eggs), so don’t expect to actually see that star chef (or even the restaurant’s executive chef) in the kitchen during brunch hours.

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Sure, there are some very good brunches to be had, generally at upscale restaurants. But if you’re expecting to have a great meal and get solidly buzzed for cheap during brunch, prepare to be disappointed. You’re better off just making brunch at home!