Shy Latte And Fat White: New Coffee Shop Drinks That Might Almost Be Real

Coffee is, for most of us, an essential part of life. We preload the Mr. Coffee so we can get it going in the morning without opening our eyes. We're developing repetitive stress syndrome from working the office Keurig. We spend so much time at Starbucks that the first words of Italian we ever learned were grande and venti, and the baristas write our names on three dozen cups first thing Monday morning just to get ready for the week.

Of course, there's a lot more to coffee than just, you know, coffee, so instead of merely reaching for a cup of java, as an earlier generation might have done, we order something special: a cold press, a pour-over, a nitro, an Americano, a macchiato, a red eye, a flat white, not to mention a Depth Charge, a Dunkaccino, a McCafé Caramel Mocha, an Iced Cinnamon Dolce Soy Half-Caf Latte with whipped cream and a cherry on top...

But doesn't it still sometimes seem like we've been ordering the same old things forever? Isn't it time for a few new coffee drinks? We think so, so the highly caffeinated editorial team at The Daily Meal has created seven brand-new coffee drinks that we predict every coffee-hound in America will soon be clamoring for.

Red Ay Ay Ay

A cup of regular coffee with a shot of espresso and a tablespoon of sriracha stirred in.

Shy Latte

A modestly sized cup of spiced tea with milk that the barista hides behind the cash register because it doesn't want to call attention to itself.

Cold Brouhaha

Cold coffee that basically just tastes like cold coffee — so what's the big deal, ya know?

Fat White

A small espresso topped with foamed lard.

Soy Lottery

A cup of regular coffee into which is mixed a white liquid that might be soy milk. On the other hand, it might be almond milk, rice milk, camel milk, Maalox — you never know, so take a chance.

Mock-iato

Similar to a macchiato, but instead of using foamed milk to draw abstract patterns or pictures of cute little kitties on top of the coffee foam, the barista artfully inscribes insulting sentences — for instance, "Is that a beard or do you have a ferret on your chin?" or "Nice dress. Did your mom make that for you in occupational therapy?"

Café con Lechery

Just a normal cup of coffee, but the barista tries to look down your blouse when you reach for the cup.