World’s First Cronut Umami Burger Created

One intern undertook a 6-hour quest to build the ultimate Luther

An hours-long quest to create the ultimate Frankenfood paid off yesterday morning when one New York resident successfully combined a Cronut and an Umami Burger to build the ultimate Luther burger, according to First We Feast.  

Umami Burger’s first New York outpost had its grand opening at exactly 11 a.m. on July 29. That morning, First We Feast sent a brave intern out to assemble the ingredients for the world’s first Umami Cronut Luther.

The nervous intern awoke at 5:30 a.m. and by 6:25 was sprinting into position in front of the Dominique Ansel Bakery, where people still wait hours in line to get one of the croissant/donut hybrids. He was not the first in line.

"All the embarrassment of getting up early to stand in line for a pastry kinda leaves when you get in line behind a bunch of other people standing in line for a pastry," he observed.

Three hours in the line netted him two Cronuts, which he carried like contraband to the much quieter queue in front of New York’s first Umami Burger. Only about 10 people were waiting in line for that opening.

Six hours after his trial began, our hero removed the Umami burger’s lovingly toasted bun and replaced it with the most in-demand pastry in New York. Shockingly, he says it was actually pretty good.

"To my surprise, the flavors melded well. The blackberry filling sweetened the savory umami flavoring. As my waitress told me, ‘It looks like a heart attack on a plate.’ I corrected her, ‘A little sweeter than a heart attack.’ At 11:38 a.m. I finished my Umami-Cronut Burger. I wiped my face, paid the bill, and left. Almost exactly six hours since I woke up, I walked out of Umami Burger victorious and headed down Sixth Avenue. The memory of standing in line, buying my Cronuts, shocking Umami’s staff, and eating my brunch sandwich was fresh in my mind, making me proud, absurdly so."

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One can’t help but salute his ingenuity, but we really hope this doesn’t become the next big food craze.