With a Motorcycle
If you need a beer so badly that you're willing to hold a fragile glass bottle up to a rapidly spinning wheel, you have problems even larger than your apparent alcoholism.
Using Your Favorite Parrot
This is only one of two bottle-opening options on this list that we can actually fully endorse. We should be employing parrots to do everything, because these guys are awesome. Let's bring parrots in to teach the kids. Parrots in the factories! Tiny parrot police with little parrot tasers! But first: parrot bartenders.
With a Chainsaw (Because Naturally)
And just where are your goggles? Safety first, guy. If you're fresh out of bottle openers, please don't try this option, ever, because this is a legitimately terrible idea.
Utilizing a Plain Piece of Paper
Ok, this is actually really useful. If you find yourself in a bottle opener-less situation, but in need of a drink, avoid the motorcycles and chainsaws and get yourself a regular piece of paper.
Using a Knife
We get it: you are a manly man full of manness. Big knife, open bottle.
With a Banana (Ok, Not Really)
We're not going to ruin this one for you. Just click the clicky already.