In her breathlessly anticipated new cookbook, Organs for Vegans, actress and Spanish food expert Gwyneth Paltrow offers this difficult-to-make and frankly not very tasty mélange of vegetable innards. "People are surprised when they learn that non-meat offal even exists," says the lithe blonde, who writes her own cookbooks. "But think about it: cabbage has heads, artichokes have hearts, so why shouldn't wheatgrass have a liver?" In addition to this unusual "sweetbread" and "liver" preparation, Paltrow offers recipes for such unexpected delights as Parsnip Spleen Croquettes, Kohlrabi Jowl Sliders with Chia Mayonnaise, and, for readers with a sweet tooth, an agave-syrup-sweetened Loquat Kidney Upside-Down Cake.
Hemp-smoked seitan sweetbreads and sun-dried wheatgrass liver are available in the health-food section of most really pretentious supermarkets (April Fool's).
Combine seitan sweetbreads, wheatgrass liver, kale, and açai juice in a really big blender or food processor and process until liquified.
Pour mixture into a Dutch oven or really big pot, cover, and simmer over really low heat for eight hours.
Stir in fennel pollen, form mixture into patties, and grill on the wood-burning oven in your back yard until blackened and inedible.
Order a pepperoni and sausage pizza with extra cheese (April Fool's).