We live in the age of clickbait and, guess what? You may have just been a victim. OK, so this isn’t exactly true. Gwyneth Paltrow, actor, singer, and goopy lifestyle guru does love making her own drinkable concoctions, and we’re sure that she probably makes her own almond milk on occasion. While you may have thought that this story would be a recipe for something along the lines of a $185 Paltrow smoothie, though, we’re sad to say it is not. Clickbait aside, we’re ready to provide you with a simple, relatively inexpensive way to make your own nut milk that even Ms. Goop herself would be envious of. Plus, who knows, maybe you could even convince someone it was worth $20 per 12-ounce bottle.
1. Pick Your Nuts and Soak Them
We’re big fans of cashew and almond milk, but if you’re really trying to be like Gwyneth Paltrow, you may want to splurge on something more expensive like a nice Brazil nut. Once you’ve selected your nuts, soak them in a bowl of water. You really only need to do this for a bit over an hour, but we suggest letting the nuts soak overnight.
2. Combine With Water in Blender
If you’ve soaked one cup of nuts, combine them with three cups of water in a blender and let ‘er rip. If you decided to ball out and get Brazil nuts or something else more expensive, you may want to try smaller portions such as a one-half cup serving of nuts and one and one-half cups of water before wasting your precious bounty on a recipe you’ve never tried before. If you’re holding Paltrow’s rich diet (we mean rich as in ca$h money here, not flavor) as your dietary dogma, though, screw it: Blend some water with as many expensive nuts as possible in a three-to-one ratio until there aren’t any devastatingly large, devastatingly expensive chunks left.
3. Did Someone Say Cheese Cloth?
Yeah, we did. Strain the liquefied nuts through a cheesecloth, mesh strainer, tea towel, or nut bag and into a container that oozes exuberance (yes, we’re talking about mason jars here). After refrigerating your nut milk for a bit, sip it and (hopefully) enjoy. If you find that it’s too thick, too watery, or too bland, feel free to mess with the three-to-one water to nut ratio and consider adding something like dates or vanilla into your milk on your second go. If you’re wondering what Gwyneth Paltrow would probably add to her milk, though, it would be $omething along the line$ of maca, ashwagandha, ho shou wu, cordyceps, or whimsical-sounding (and, arguably, exorbitantly priced) Moon Dust.