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What to Order When You’re Having a Drink With Donald Trump

Should you stick to water or opt for a vodka martini?

If you have the misfortune of sitting down for a drink with Donald Trump, then you’re going to want to have your order already prepared and settled upon. You’ll need to focus so much on his incomprehensibly ambling conversation that you won’t be able to concentrate on that and decide what would be the most suitable drink to order.

These are the best three options:

Water

Meeting Trump for a drink is a bizarre scenario for so many reasons, a key one being that he doesn’t actually drink. So if you’re looking to keep him company, support him in his teetotal life, and play things safe by matching his drinking habits, then opt for water. Still or sparking will be fine. Make it slightly fancier by adding a slice of lemon or lime.

Vodka Martini

We’re all well aware of Trump’s love of Russians, so by ordering a vodka martini you’ll be pleasing him by supporting his (second) favorite nation’s export and drink of choice. Martinis also have the benefit of being fantastically strong, so by knocking back a couple of these you’ll help to ease the pain of this awkward social situation.

Screwdriver

If you’re not intimidated by Trump and are happy to incur his wrath, then order a screwdriver and enjoy admiring how well it matches his infamous skin tone. You could keep the amusing irony of your drink choice to yourself or, if you’re feeling brave, point out the matching colors and see what kind of response he has up his sleeve.

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