420 calories per cup of pure homemade joy. How like life that the hardened noodles are softened by butter and cheese. It is kind of a culinary metaphor for your life. When you are feeling jaded and hardened by life, just add butter.
Chocolate doesn't judge you. Chocolate doesnt think youre fat. Chocolate will love you no matter what and doesnt agree with the rest of the world that you will never get married. Chocolate is like the gay best friend of comfort foods. It always thinks youre fabulous.
Nothing sees your through the troubles of life better than (or more stereotypically than) ice cream. It is amazing though that the complexity of the ice cream you eat is directly proportional to your desperation and loneliness. When we need a little pick-me-up, we head for the simple pleasure of vanilla and chocolate. When we havent gotten out of our pajamas in several days, it is all about the peanut butter cup and chocolate-covered pretzel bits marshmallow caramel fudge swirl with M&Ms. And at this point there is really no need to add sprinkles; your tears will freeze atop your mounds of iced cream and freeze to provide the perfect salty complement.
Nothing says mothers love like pie. But pie doesnt come attached to years of mind-bending guilt and criticism. So it is like your current mom minus everything about her. It is like being loved by June Cleaver.
So you have given up making your own comfort food. Hell, you dont even have the where with all to buy your own comfort food. Just steal it from work. Sure, it is soggy and the mayonnaise may turn any second, but who cares! You arent going anywhere soon.