While spacing out on the Internet during class the other day, I came across a disturbing GIF on Reddit.
Leslie Knope: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron Swanson: People are idiots, Leslie.
While I respect the genius that is NBC’s Parks and Recreation, I would also like to think that I’m not an idiot. But, here’s the issue, I hate breakfast. Detest it, loath it — I’d punch it in the face if I could. So when given the challenge of eating breakfast for four days in a row, I was worried. And nauseous.
My two fondest memories of eating breakfast are:
1. The time I ate a GoGurt on an early morning trip to Cedar Point and vomited blue all over the car.
2. The time I ate breakfast before school and had my mom turn around before we had even rounded the first corner. Again, I vomited. This time something a little more brown.
Clearly breakfast and I are on great terms. But hey, I like a challenge, so I embraced this Editor vs. Food test with a brave heart and an open mouth.
Tuesday: After a quick survey of my pantry it’s obvious that I will be eating out. So I gather my books, pack my Herschel backpack, and make the trek to Amers on State Street to start off my challenge at with a #102 — the Meggwich. And I’m not disappointed. The combination of eggs, bacon, veggies and a healthy dousing of Frank’s RedHot are the early morning stimulation my taste buds have been missing. My stomach is full, and the prospects for this week look stellar.
Wednesday: I never thought I would look forward to Wednesday mornings, but this semester I do. I work for Welcome Wednesdays at the Alumni Center, so my breakfast choice for this morning is obvious — bagels. I go with a toasted Asiago Cheese bagel, two packets of cream cheese and about five cups of coffee. Lesson learned today, free = delicious.
Thursday: Today I go for a more traditional approach and opt for Quaker’s cinnamon apple oatmeal. I download the latest episode of American Horror Story and sit down to my bowl. My oatmeal looks uncomfortably similar to the guts of the zombies on my computer screen. It’s hard to chew, dense and eating it feels like I’m pouring cement directly into my stomach. Not that I’ve ever eaten cement, though right now I think I’d rather be doing just that. And the taste isn’t great either. I’ve never eaten a zombie, but I bet it would probably taste better than this oatmeal. Not my favorite breakfast so far.
Friday: By this point in the week I’m struggling. Not only are breakfast foods my least favorite genre of cuisine, but eating breakfast is also incredibly inconvenient to my daily routine. It means waking up earlier, buying more groceries and having more dishes to wash. So on Friday morning I maximize my time and head over to Backroom for a couple of 2 am slices (that’s breakfast time, right?).
Per usual, Backroom is packed (I find myself singing ‘Everyone in line for the Backroom, trying to get a slice of pizza in the Backroom’ to the tune of Miley’s Can’t Stop). At 2 am I’m clearly delusional, but despite the wait the cheesy goodness of cheap pizza is worth it. I forget my money at home, but the guy behind me offers to take the hit for my $2 makeshift breakfast. Four for you, Omar, you go Omar.
After my four day challenge, breakfast and I are certainly not friends. But I wouldn’t say that we are enemies, either. I like how breakfast makes me feel. Sometimes. I have noticed how I have more energy in the mornings after I eat, but I also feel full, and often bloated. Mastering the art of breakfast seems to be about the personalization of your meal, and playing to the strengths of your diet and lifestyle. I’d rather have leftover Chinese for breakfast, and hey, that’s ok. And if I want to eat a pancake for dinner, call me crazy, but dammit bring on the syrup. The world of food is not so black and white, or breakfast and dinner, and I think that’s just the way it should be.