20 Edible Insults

A collection of food snubs.
PIzza Face
iStock/The Crimson Monkey

PIzza Face

With Valentine's Day coming up next Monday, couples everywhere will surely be calling each other by sweet food names — sweetie pie, pumpkin, honeybun, and sugar lips. For those single souls and V-day haters, we've rounded up a list of culinary disses.

Apple Bottom: A term for a woman with a very large, ahem, derrière; e.g.,"Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans], Boots with the fur [With the fur], The whole club was lookin at her, She hit the flo [She hit the flo], Next thing you know, Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low."

Beanpole: Someone who is extremely tall and thin; e.g., "The boys at school never ask me to dance because I'm such a beanpole."

Beer Belly: A term for a male's large midsection as a result of drinking a lot of beer; e.g., "Check this out, I can rest a plate on my beer belly."

Butterface: A woman with a comely figure, "but her face" isn't as appealing; e.g., "I was scoping this girl out at the gym, but she turned out to be a butterface." 

Butterfingers: A term for someone who drops things or is not very athletic, such as a football player who never catches the ball or a clerk who constantly drops their pencil; e.g.,"Frank has butterfingers, he never catches the football." 

Carrottop: Refers to someone with red hair; e.g., "This carrottop totally asked me out at the bar last night."

Chicken Skin: A reference to the appearance of bumpy skin often found on the backs of the upper arms, similar to goose bumps except permanent; e.g., "I feel so unattractive with this chicken skin on my arms."

Chicken Wings: A term for the excess skin that hangs off of the upper arms of older women; e.g., "You can shape up those pitiful 'chicken wings' with targeted exercise, but you'll need some weights."

Cottage Cheese: A reference to cellulite, particularly in the thighs and derrière; e.g., "This bathing suit does nothing for my cottage cheese thighs. Maybe I should try a sarong."

Donut: Also known as a "spare tire," this refers to the round of excess fat around someone's midsection; e.g., "Dude's got a donut."

Jelly Belly: See lardass; e.g., "If you continue to stuff your face with donuts, you'll become a jelly belly."

Juice-head: Refers to someone that works out heavily and has bulging muscles. The term is also used to describe alcoholics; e.g.,"My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscled... juice-head guido."

Lardass: Refers to someone who is really fat; e.g., "Arthur said he ate an entire pizza by himself and that he feels like such a lardass."

Muffin-Top: The excess fat that spills over the waistline of a pair of pants when they fit too snugly — resembling the top of a muffin; e.g., "You may want to try those jeans on in a larger size because they're giving you a muffin top."

Orange Peel: A term for cellulite, similar to chicken skin and cottage cheese; e.g., "This miracle skin cream will do wonders for your orange peel."

Pea-Brain: Someone with very little intelligence; e.g.,"You'd have to be a pea-brain to call Johnny a lardass."

Pizza Face: Someone with terribly bad acne on their face; e.g., "Go grab some Clearasil, you pizza face."

Sausage Fingers: A term for someone with pudgy fingers; e.g., "I have trouble using my smartphone because of my sausage fingers."

Triple Layer Cake: Refers to the rolls of fat that appear around a person's midsection when they lean over; e.g., "Dang, look at that girl's triple layer cake hanging over her pants."

The Daily Byte is a regular column dedicated to covering interesting food news and trends across the country. Click here for the previous columns.