10 Wedding Guest Errors Slideshow
1. Drink Too Much
Sure, a wedding isn’t a celebration without at least a couple of Champagne toasts and free flowing beer or wine. But there are some ground rules, like don’t start pounding Scotch as soon as the reception begins.
Sure, it is a party, but do you really want to be the guy yammering on about your undying love for both the groom and the Yankees while dabbing at the huge cocktail sauce stain on your jacket before the dinner even begins... or the girl in the four-inch Manolos who can’t seem to stand up straight without the aid of a nearby chair? No. Just remember: Photographers are present.
2. Threaten the Staff
Do we really need to explain why you shouldn’t threaten the wait staff when they don’t bring out your fish perfectly seared, hot off the stove? Just don't.
And don't complain to the bride, your third cousin by marriage twice removed, ever. We’ll put you in the satiny white shoes of the bride for a moment so you can imagine how she would feel. Bride: “Hi Martha, my third cousin by marriage twice removed, how are you? Thanks for coming.” Martha: “Let me… tell you shumthin… this eshtablishment is a crock-a-shite. They… refuse… to serve me… another Long Island.” Now do you see how the bride might feel? Probably repulsed and unlikely to invite you to her next party.
3. Forget Your Place: You’re a Guest
When attending the wedding of a mere acquaintance or very distant relative, be advised: You barely got invited. The fact that you’re seated furthest the dance floor should be your first clue.
This is why you need only make your presence known if and when the bride herself greets your table with her “obligatory hello, thanks for coming.” And when we say it is your table she’s greeting, we mean it. Don’t take it upon yourself to fawn over her one-on-one like you’re her favorite aunt or sorority sister or new brother-in-law. You aren’t. So embrace it: get drunk (but not too drunk), dance the night away, and eat every shred of cake in sight. After all, absolutely no one is paying attention to you.
4. Gift Something Off the Registry (and Bring it With You)
Deciding on a gift can be hard. Thankfully, every single bride knows this and that’s why registries were invented. Plus, it means that you don't have to lug something with you that you think the bride will like to the wedding (and they don't have to lug it home, post-honeymoon).
Still hell bent on gifting in person instead of through an online registry? Do the classy thing and give the happy couple an envelope stuffed with cash!
5. Chatter Incessantly
When a couple is planning their wedding, they must often make concessions regarding who sits at which table. Unfortunately, this could mean you get stuck at a table full of people who know each other while you don’t know a soul. Whatever you do, don’t overcompensate by yammering on and on about your life as an insurance salesman in Poughkeepsie.
The same holds true for you childless ladies who like to steer every conversation toward how cute your Pookingese, Peekapoo, or Pookashitz is. Though your fellow diners may seem as if they are taking an interest, rest assured they are not. You’re just the crazy person at the table in their book.
6. Outdress the Bride
Leave the flashy red dress — and, you know who you are, the gold-sequined tux — at home. Though white is generally considered the one color wedding guests should avoid wearing, anything flashy and flamboyant is equally off-limits. Never — intentionally or otherwise — take attention away from the day’s most important person: the bride.
7. Come Unprepared When You Have Special Dietary Needs
Allergic to tree nuts, gluten, shellfish, soy, nightshade vegetables, and all water that doesn’t come bottled from an artesian well? Then you may have trouble eating at a catered event where the options are limited (plus, you’re not paying anyways).
Instead of complaining to no end about the function hall’s lack of a macrobiotic menu, pack a meal of celery sticks and buckwheat kasha. Since it is unlikely that the party throwers planned for your impossibly unique needs, it is in your best interest to plan ahead for dire situations such as this. Just don’t use the provided silverware! Who knows what molecular-level gluten transfers have turned it into a menacing allergy vector.
8. Overdo It on the Dance Floor
It is a little known fact that more bones are broken by improper Electric Sliding than by any other accident. OK, maybe not, but still.
While the dance may seem simple and innocuous, don’t let the fact that it actually tells you what moves to make fool you. This is misleading and can lead to foot fractures, broken heels and, worse, domino-effect collapses. If in doubt, just don’t Electric Slide. This also goes for the Cha Cha Slide, Macarena, and Tootsie Roll.
9. Call Attention to Yourself
Unless you are one of the weddings most-honored guests, is it really necessary to interrupt the bride and groom as they make their rounds to tell them that you have to leave before the dinner course is served? No.
Not to burst your bubble, but chances are they don’t really care that much. They have enough to worry about, and having to pretend like your departure creates an unfillable void in the evening makes you look like a self-centered boar. Let’s face it: They probably wouldn’t have noticed your absence anyway.
10. Act Like a Party Animal
“Where’s the after party?” You yell it once, just as the party is about to end. “Where’s the after party?” You yell it a second time just as the booze starts to run dry. “Where’s the after party?” you yell to a half-empty room just as the lights go up.
To let you down easy, there might not be one. Not everyone wants to cap off an evening of boozing with a trip to the bar. It may hurt to hear this, but the after party might just be a party of one in your apartment. Do yourself a favor and be more subtle, asking people individually if anyone is hanging out afterwards. It will keep you from becoming “that guy,” a guy nobody wants to be — or be around.