wedding toast
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The Worst Things to Say in a Wedding Toast

You don’t need to say every little thing that comes to mind
wedding toast
iStock.com/fourseasons

Before you think about including any of these things in your wedding toast, hit the pause button. Put the pen down and think long and hard about boundaries, because there are some things that are better left unsaid. And if you are on the fence about whether or not to include something don’t worry, we’re here to tell you what you should never say in a wedding toast no matter the circumstances.

Anecdotes about the bride or groom’s exes

Anecdotes about the bride or groom’s exes
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Don’t tell stories about ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends, don’t talk about how toxic their previous relationships were, and definitely don’t make a joke about how many people the bride or groom have dated in the past.

Bachelor(ette) party shenanigans

Bachelor(ette) party shenanigans
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What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? We don’t need to hear about over-imbibing or any other shenanigans involved. Keep the stories to yourself, unless you had a laid-back and mature, PG-rated party.

Divorce statistics

Divorce statistics
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Don’t bring up divorce, or how expensive it is. It doesn’t matter if the couple has parents who aren’t together anymore or if the bride and groom were previously married. It’s just not a good word to say at a wedding.

Embarrassing jokes or anecdotes

Embarrassing jokes or anecdotes
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If you’re the maid of honor, best man or parent, you’ve probably known the bride or groom for a long time. Save those stories about poopy diapers, awkward haircuts and goth phases for another time.

How drunk you are

How drunk you are
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Even if you’ve had a few glasses of Champagne, you don’t need to let the room know that by slurring through your speech and sauntering up to the microphone with a sway in your step. Better yet, don’t indulge in the open bar until after your speech.

How horrible the planning process was

How horrible the planning process was
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It doesn’t matter if the bride freaked out about every little detail, the groom forgot to order tuxedos until the last minute, or the mother of the bride insisted upon her own vision of the day. No matter the struggles and stresses of planning a wedding — including how much it all costs — just be happy that the day is here and the planning is over.

Illegal activities

Illegal activities
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Wedding guests don’t need to hear about that time you stole a car together, smoked marijuana in college or got drunk in a mine in Wyoming. You don’t need to send grandma into a fainting spell; it’s just a wedding toast.

Inside jokes

Inside jokes
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Hearing the phrase “fluffy bunny” may put you and your best friend in stitches, but no one else gets why you’re cracking up. A wedding toast is for a wide audience, so keep your speech appealing to everyone in the room.

Your own big news

Your own big news
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Are you recently engaged? Are you expecting a baby? Have you recently gotten a promotion or are planning an exciting international vacation? That’s amazing, and everyone is going to be really excited for you. Just save the news for tomorrow.

Your thoughts against marriage

Your thoughts against marriage
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You may see marriage as nothing more than an archaic remnant left over from the days when daughters were literally property given from one man to another. But now is neither the time nor the place for that discussion. Instead, use take some notes from guidelines for the best things you can say in a wedding toast.

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