These Bagel Flavors Really Shouldn’t Exist

Cinnamon sugar? Seriously?

Of all the cheeses on earth, why top a bagel with Asiago?

Go to a classic bagel shop in New York City and you’ll encounter pretty much the same varieties at each of them: plain, poppy, sesame, everything, pumpernickel, onion, and some more (relatively) newfangled ones like cinnamon raisin, whole wheat and garlic. These we can abide (cinnamon raisin just barely). Call us old-fashioned, but there are some bagel varieties that really shouldn’t exist. Here are five.

For some reason, all the chain bagel shops decided that of all the cheeses in existence, Asiago should be the one that flavors bagels, most likely because the name sounds cool, like one that would be made up to name a car (Buy or lease the 2015 Fiat Asiago today!). There’s only one cheese that should go on a bagel: cream cheese.

Chocolate Chip
If you want to eat chocolate for breakfast, eat chocolate chip pancakes. Chocolate has no reason to ever go near a bagel.

Cinnamon Sugar
Bagels are not dainty. A sprinkle of cinnamon sugar is the height of dainty. You want cinnamon sugar, eat a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Spinach Florentine
Sorry, what? Get off my lawn, you geriatric pasta dish.


If you had told one of the Bagel Guild workers 100 years ago, slaving away in steamy rooms as hot as a furnace, to mix a delicate handful of blueberries into the batter, you’d have been sent running for your life. Here’s a rule of thumb: if it mixes well with yogurt, it has no place inside a bagel.