In Case You Haven’t Noticed, Cinnamon Toast Crunch’s Mascots Are Murderous Cannibals
Think back to your childhood, and visualize a box of what is unquestionably the finest breakfast cereal of all time, Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Do you remember there being a mascot on the box? Perhaps a jolly-looking baker named Wendell, wearing a big white hat and holding a wooden spoon? You can be forgiven if you haven’t noticed, but dear old Wendell hasn’t graced a box of the cereal since 2009. Instead, he’s been replaced with something called the Crazy Squares, which are absolutely, positively cannibalistic terrors.
First of all, watch this video, one of the first to include the Crazy Squares. It starts off simply enough, with one square licking the other (which is weird in itself). But then the one being licked just goes ahead and eats the other one in one bite (screengrab avove). Just about every ad for Cinnamon Toast Crunch since then has been a variation on this theme, including one in which two Crazy Squares, bobbing gently in a pool of milk, are terrorized by a “shark” who drags them below the surface and devours them both; the shark of course turns out to be another Crazy Square. If you need further proof, you can find a whole bunch of commercials here.
Looking at a box of the stuff today, there are a handful of Crazy Squares present, and they all appear to be either looking at other Squares hungrily or cowering, terrified.
And perhaps, most creepily of all, in the initial run of commercials, kindly Wendell looks on passively from the front of the cereal box as each scene of carnage and terror unfolds, powerless to curb the savage appetites of his monstrous creations.
And now Wendell is gone from the box entirely! Where has he gone? Did the Crazy Squares eat him too?