Peppers can make you sweat big time, so if you perspire easily, you’ll have a head start on getting gross and damp. Add that to the fact that you might be sweating already from nerves. Let’s not fuel the fire, here.
The average number of napkins people need when they eat BBQ ribs: seven. And it’s so not cool to keep having to ask the waitress for more, and surrounding your plate with used, balled-up napkins.
Unless you actually want your date to start singing Chris Farley’s ode to Sloppy Joes, which is something we recommend you avoid at all costs, Sloppy Joes are like a triple-whammy of bad date foods — they’re messy and can make you gassy, too. Try to picture someone really sexy, like Ryan Gosling or Eva Mendes, eating Sloppy Joes. Even that is not sexy. And if they can’t do it, who can? Wait. Aren’t they dating? Those two can eat Sloppy Joes together — the gross-factor gets evened out. But they are probably the only couple in the universe that can pull it off.
Some people say spaghetti is off the list, but I disagree. You can totally eat spaghetti like a lady if you’re careful and haven’t had too many drinks. But noodles in soup? Woah there, cowboy. You’re asking for a slurping, noodles-flying mess. As if soup wasn’t bad enough.
I know sushi is a popular first date activity, but I’m going to say don’t. Properly eating sushi means shoving a huge portion of raw fish into your mouth using utensils you aren’t familiar with. Your date asks you, "So, what are your top six favorite Nicholas Cage movies in order from least to greatest?" But you just crammed a spicy tuna roll into your mouth and have to chew for an awkward 20 seconds, waiting to swallow. Dates don’t need more awkward silences; they need less. And if you try to eat your sushi in two bites, it ends up getting all over the place and you have to practically lick off the remains with your tongue.
Asparagus has a bad rap for making your pee smell bad, but that’s not the only bodily fluid it has a nasty effect on. That’s because it has a sulfurous compound called mercaptan — you know, the one that’s in rotten eggs, onions, and garlic. For the same reason, avoid broccoli and coffee
That magical fruit will bloat your stomach and can rev up your body for a serious farting session, which doesn’t mix well with a serious make-out session. If you’ve been dating for a while and you’re used to each other, beans are fine. But for the first date, avoid. OK? Even if you are a bean-eating machine and are sure you won’t experience any negative results, eating beans will make your date think, "Is she gonna fart now? Is she holding in a fart?" And then if someone in the restaurant farts, you’ll probably get blamed for it. It’s not fair, but it’s true.
If you go out for a dinner date, choosing a fast-food place is not too impressive. But if you end up having to pick up something fast because you need more time doing something awesome, like playing paintball or get in an intense Scrabble match, then awesome! Throw this rule out the window.
This is actually a great dinner date idea if you don’t want to talk to your date. Because while you are at the table eating your mac and cheese, ready for some great conversation, he’ll be up getting fourths of that mystery meat selection. Also, people get a little nuts at all-you-can-eat buffets, and it might be best to hide this behavior for as long as possible.
Maybe you should just go to the buffet. A fast-food, spicy BBQ sushi/ramen buffet. And order extra asparagus. Because that is a better idea than eating frozen meals.