10 Foods That Should Never Have Been Canned (Slideshow)
October 4, 2013
Seriously, these have got to go
Cold, canned, precooked bacon. We suppose a little time in the microwave might bring it back to life, but c’mon now. Don’t put bacon in a can. Show it more respect than that.
The thought of opening a can, spearing a sausage, and eating it as-is is about as revolting as it gets. There’s a reason the entire Vienna sausage in-a-can market is geared toward babies: they can’t say no.
8) Hot Wings
Wings need to be eaten right out of the fryer in order for them to be anything but soggy. Even the journey home from the Wing Wagon in a Styrofoam case sogs them up. We can’t imagine how they must taste after spending six months sitting in a tin can.
7) Heinz Spotted Dick
Or any baked good, for that matter. But this one in particular.
We’re going to pretend that we didn’t see this one.
5) Roasted Scorpions
Hey, it’s not easy to keep roasted scorpions fresh and crispy on their trek from the desert.
4) 'Luncheon Meat'
SPAM, corned beef, and their many brothers and sisters found their way into cans during a period in history when there were no other viable options. Today, there are other viable options. Choose them instead.
3) Chicken in a Can
We saw this busted out in an episode of Chopped and it even made the judges gag. A huge can, with an entire, slimy, pallid, cooked chicken inside it. Nobody wants to eat chicken that badly.
2) Pork Brains
For when you just have to eat a pig brain.
A year or so ago, a website called Dig Your Own Grave (appropriate) traveled to Germany and discovered the biggest atrocity in the history of canning: the cheeseburger in a can. They followed the directions on the can (boil the whole can for 10 minutes, remove, and eat), and actually ate the thing. The results were, unsurprisingly, disgusting.
Not only does this combine two canning sins (meat and baked goods), but it’s topped with what they describe as "fake vomit on one side and a giant scab on the other." Worst. Thing. Ever. Canned.