First off, jungle juice shouldn’t be made in the first place. Make cocktails, people. Or make college drinks that have gotten slightly more refined. Or make the hot older sister of jungle juice, a classic punch. Punch can be as simple as pouring a bunch of gin, lemonade, grand Marnier, and seltzer water into a bowl and calling it a cocktail. Punch can be as delicious and easy as throwing a few cans of pineapple juice, a bottle of rum, some grenadine, and seltzer water into a clean bucket and erroneously telling your guests that it’s grog. Punch is great. Punch also doesn’t have the seriously unfortunate date rape associations that jungle juice has going for it. Try punch, we implore you.
If you’re not going to try punch and you insist on a jungle juice recipe, however, this is the only one you’ll need. This is the jungle juice drink that will get everyone to do keg stands, and will get that one guy to take his shirt off and make an unmitigated ass of himself for the crowd’s general amusement. If you’re sure that you want jungle juice, this is the best version of this made-for-the-crowd pseudo-cocktail.
The most important rule of proper jungle juice is that you have to use Everclear, not vodka. If you live in a state where Everclear is illegal, too bad. It looks like you and your frat brothers have to take a road trip to purchase a case of the real stuff. Why is Everclear important in the production of real jungle juice, you might ask? Partially, it’s tradition. Partially, it’s because you can light this stuff on fire, which means it is serious business.
We recommend the following proportions to get your night started:
2 handles of Everclear
1 liter fruit punch
1 liter lemonade
1 liter Sprite or 7-Up
Mix the Everclear, fruit punch, and lemonade in a new, clean tub. Seriously, do not reuse an old one, guys. Then add the lemon-lime carbonated beverage of your choice. If you’re feeling fancy add some cut-up fruit to show that you made an effort. You can then also call this a “sportive play on the classic sangria,” if you’re looking to woo a cutie who seems vaguely cultured. Good luck.