2017’s 10 Craziest Ballpark Foods

We’re not quite sure that these have any reason to exist

2017’s 10 Craziest Ballpark Foods

When we’re watching a baseball game, there are certain foods we’re basically hard-wired by this point to crave: hot dogs, pretzels, peanuts, Cracker Jack. But over the past few years, major league ballparks have been falling over themselves to sell creations that get more and more crazy (in no small part for publicity just like this), and 2017 is no exception.

Texas Rangers: Texas Snow Balls

What from the outside looks like a tasty dessert at Globe Life Park turns out to be a culinary abomination once you actually bite into it: It’s a ball of shredded brisket, dunked into funnel cake batter, deep fried, and covered in powdered sugar.

Atlanta Braves: Tomahawk Chop Sandwich

The sandwich itself, served at Atlanta’s SunTrust Park, sounds pretty tasty as-is: a fried pork chop topped with collard greens, slaw, and white barbecue sauce. The catch? It’s absolutely massive, big enough to feed at least four.

Boston Red Sox: Lobster Poutine Stak

Would you buy lobster at a baseball stadium? The folks at Fenway Park are hoping you will, with their new lobster poutine “stak,” which tops a mound of steak fries with lobster meat, lobster bisque, cheese curds, and chives.

Kansas City Royals: Pulled Pork Patty Melt

So let’s break down what we’re looking at here, because it’s not exactly obvious. Barbecue pork, fried onions, Monterey Jack cheese, and bacon are sandwiched between two funnel cakes, and the whole mess is topped with powdered sugar and a jalapeño popper. Never mind the fact that a patty melt, literally every other time it’s on a menu, involves a burger patty; it’s better that the folks at Kaufmann Stadium left it off of this.

Arizona Diamondbacks: Chicken Funnel Cake Sandwich

This whole “sweet-savory mashup” thing has gotten a little out of hand. Case in point: this deep-fried monstrosity served at Phoenix’s Chase Field. In between two funnel cakes is a big fried chicken breast, which is topped with a pile of gloopy strawberry sauce and a slice of garlic black pepper Cheddar. It’s served with maple syrup, because YOLO, apparently.

Colorado Rockies: Apple Pie Nachos

If you’re in the mood for dessert at Coors Field, you can opt for a bowl of cinnamon sugar pita chips topped with apple pie filling, caramel, whipped cream, and shredded Cheddar cheese. Or on second thought, maybe you shouldn’t.

Toronto Blue Jays: Hogtown Stak

Here’s another “stak” for you: This one comprises fries topped with pulled pork, sliced grilled “farmers sausage,” and bacon barbecue gravy.

Pittsburgh Pirates: House BURGHer Stak

Don’t believe for a minute that this is an actual burger (never mind the pointless bun); it’s yet another “stak” of fries topped with ground beef, American cheese, grilled onions, secret sauce, tomatoes, lettuce, and a bun. We’re just going to assume that “stak” is Aramark’s word for “loaded fries.”

New York Mets: LaFrieda Steak Frites

A mound of waffle fries, topped with sliced medium-rare Black Angus Pat LaFrieda beef, sautéed Vidalia onions, beef jus, and Vermont Monterey Jack cheese sauce. On second thought, we’re probably actually going to order this the next time we’re at Citi Field.

Chicago White Sox: Brisket Mac and Cheese Grilled Cheese

Brisket and macaroni and cheese are hallmarks of any grilled cheese-oriented restaurant or food truck worth its salt, but this sandwich served at Chicago’s creatively named Guaranteed Rate Field clocks in at 16 inches long, and is topped by a stack of onion rings.