asparagus
Screenshot: NBC

Woman Claims to Accurately Predict the Future Using Asparagus

Editor
First prediction: Your pee will smell weird tomorrow

Jemima Packington has an unusual talent — using a few simple spears of asparagus, she claims to accurately foresee the future. She arrives at her prophecies by taking a clump of asparagus spears and tossing them to the ground. Based on the patterns and shapes the fallen asparagus spears create, Packington gleans her unique predictions.

The English woman claims she is the world’s only “asparamancer,” her term for someone with this specialized clairvoyance. She also claims that her predictions have actually come true — Brexit, the royal baby, and even America’s reputation after electing Donald Trump. Of course, some predictions were more impressive than others. But regardless of how outlandish the outcome, Packington’s foresight has allegedly proven itself effective. Her abilities are so impressive, in fact, that they’ve made headlines across the globe.

Packington has become something of a legend in England. People come to see her and her stalks so that they can hear predictions of their own futures. In these cases, she has her clients throw their own asparagus — to cast their own fate.

“The good thing is, once we finished the reading, you can then take the asparagus home, run it under the faucet, and then cook it and eat it,” she told Today. So perks of participating in her future-telling practice include a delicious spring dinner — more than you’d get from some quack measuring lines on your palm.

She discovered the odd ability when she was just a child.

“When I was a small girl, we were sitting around eating asparagus,” Packington told Today. “And I’d actually predicted something.”

That was when her family knew that she had a gift. You see, Packington’s aunt used to read the future using tea leaves.

“They think that it skipped a generation,” she explained, “and it came to me.”

Now, Packington is rocking the boat with her predictions for 2018. She claims to have foreseen the ousting of British Prime Minister Theresa May, insisting that Britain will get a new prime minister. She also predicts that if the rest of the world fails to intervene, the United States will bring the world to the brink of serious conflict. Of course if she thinks President Trump is to blame, she’s going to have to get her answers from someone else; the president happens to hate vegetables.

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