Khloe
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I Followed Khloé Kardashian's Diet for a Week and This Is What Happened

Editor
LOL. Who am I kidding? I lasted 5 days
Khloe
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Day 4:

Meal 1: Another banana and strawberry smoothie. The liquidness of my organic, 100 percent almond butter weirds me out. Why does it have to separate even after I put it in the fridge? Despite this and my generally averse attitude toward breakfast, I am considering adopting the smoothie into my normal meal plans. If I’m craving something sweet, this will be a way healthier alternative to a bunch of frozen Girl Scout cookies, which is what I typically would eat.

Meal 2: My coworkers are noticing how many apples I eat. By the end of the week, I will have consumed like eight of these Golden Delicious babies.

Meal 3: One reason I could never meal prep: Eating the same thing over and over again all week gets super-boring. I’m bored by this salad I once enjoyed. And, honestly, I’m just bored by this diet. I am tired and hungry, even though my jaw is aching from all the chewing I’m doing. I have no idea how Khloé eats this way and works out the way she does. Honestly, I doubt she eats like this. I lead a sedentary, office-bound lifestyle and I haven’t been working out this week. And I’m starving. She has either be the most determined dieter in the world or a bit of a cheater.

Meal 4: If you’ve never counted almonds before eating them, let me tell you something: It’s an insanely depressing thing to do. The only thing you could do with almonds that would be a bigger bummer is pair them with celery — which is what I have been doing all week.



Carolyn Menyes / The Daily Meal

Sad!



Meal 5: I thought I had like six eggs in my fridge when I went grocery shopping, but I only had two. I already spent my limit on groceries; I somehow draw the line at buying another dozen eggs for $3. So I substitute an egg for a tablespoon of peanut butter. They both have protein and healthy fats, so I assume this is a reasonable thing to do. I’ve also substituted the vegetable with another apple, so really, this meal has nothing to do with Khloé at all.

Meal 6: I make more salmon, but opt for (what I assume is) a Khloé-approved Asian marinade. It’s good! I pair this with some roasted acorn squash. I honestly don’t know why I keep turning my oven to 425 degrees in the middle of June. I’m not working out, but I think the buckets of sweat I’m shedding in my hotter-than-Hades apartment are equivalent to 30 minutes on the treadmill.

Meal 7: Once again, I neglect to eat my final fruit. I do, however, drink three beers while I watch YouTube videos. But they’re Brooklyn Summer Ales so 1) I am not even really tipsy after this, despite my famished state and 2) this summer ale had citrus notes, so I am counting it as a fruit.

Day 5:

Meal 1: With the bananas gone, it’s back to a tired old strawberry and almond smoothie. I’m not going to lie: I was sad about this.

Meal 2: I love apples. They’re my favorite basic fruit, but I don’t think I need another one for quite some time.

Meal 3: My spinach is sad and wilted. I don’t want to eat it, because at this point all leafy green vegetables gross me out — which means soggy leafy, green vegetables are just vile. I just pick out my chicken and eat that. I toss the rest in the trash.



Carolyn Menyes / The Daily Meal

Garbage salad.



Meal 4: I have some broccoli in my office fridge, but I just do not want to eat it at all. Even the thought of it sitting in there is making me gag a little bit. I am, however, miraculously OK with eating fresh fruits at this point. So I eat my 12 almonds with strawberries. I am… happy?

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At this point, I officially pull out my white flag. Even though the broccoli is around, I just refuse to eat it. The very idea makes me feel ill. And it’s Friday afternoon. I just want to have beers with my friends guilt-free, eat some burritos, and wake up in the morning without having to pull my immersion blender out of the closet this weekend. My editor corners me on my way out of the office to ask if I’m going to keep up my Khloé diet over the weekend, and in my famished, exhausted state, I just laugh. (Sorry, Susan!) I end my Friday by eating a fried chicken sandwich, a cheeseburger, fries, and a Diet Coke.

From eating like Khloé for five days, I can take a few things away. I know I should eat more leafy greens, whole foods, and fresh fruit. So I probably will. Though the noise of the blender was the bane of my husband’s existence, I actually liked the smoothies I was making by the end of the week, so perhaps I’ll replace ice cream and cookies with fruit and almond butter a few times a week.

I’m all for eating a well-balanced diet — which, aside from the bafflingly low calorie count, this one is. Eating tons of greens, lean protein, and fresh fruit is awesome! But when it’s this repetitive and restrictive, you go a little crazy. And at about 1,000 calories a day, I could tell my head was in a fog midway through day two. Sure, I lost three pounds this week, but it was not worth the cost. I was sluggish at work, I was sluggish at home, and I picked up the baffling habit of talking to myself a ton.

Look to Khloé Kardashian for advice on marketing yourself, sure — but I can’t recommend looking to her for diet advice. Her lifestyle is a complete and total anomaly. She has a chef who can make her brand new fresh chicken and spinach salads every day. She doesn’t have to eat dry, rubbery chicken and soggy spinach when Friday rolls around. At the end of the day, this diet could maybe be sustainable if your main responsibilities are A) to have a bangin’ body and B) to tell other people how to have a bangin’ body. But it’s hard for me to imagine keeping it up while maintaining my budget and my 9-to-5 job.

Carolyn Menyes is the entertain editor at The Daily Meal. She is weirdly addicted to comments on celebrity gossip blogs. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.