Jon Stewart's 6 Rules of Pizza
If there’s one thing we learned about Jon Stewart during his years of hosting The Daily Show, it’s that he’s a man who takes his pizza very seriously. Few things riled him up more than seeing someone disrespect classic New York pizza, and some of his most legendary rants revolved around the proper way to eat pizza and the definition of pizza itself. Here are six pizza rules from the man himself, taken from various broadcasts of his former show.
Don’t Use a Knife and Fork
When Bill de Blasio made the mistake of using a knife and fork to eat pizza shortly into his term as New York mayor. Stewart railed into him: “DiBlasio, you son of a bitch,” he jokingly said. “You’re supposed to be a champion of the middle class. Two weeks into your term and we catch you eating pizza a la Trump? Learn how to eat your city’s signature dish. When you’re in Staten Island, you eat your pizza like a disgusting savage just like every other person in this city. Everyone knows you’re not a real New Yorker until your shirt has at least seven see-through orange grease stains on it…."
Chain Pizza is Not Real New York Pizza, Even in New York
When Donald trump took Sarah Palin to a chain pizzeria in Times Square for a taste of “real New York pizza,” Stewart flipped out. After listing off some legendary New York pizzerias, he added that “If you’re taking an esteemed visitor to get real New York pizza, Famiglia ain’t it. It’s Famiglia, it’s a chain.”
There’s Only One Way to Eat Pizza
“You fold it and you eat it!” he said.
Deep Dish Pizza is Not Pizza
In quite possibly his most legendary rant ever, Stewart went off on Chicago pizza in epic style. “Deep dish pizza is not only not better than New York pizza, it’s not pizza. It’s a [bleep] casserole,” he said. “This is not pizza, this is tomato soup in a bread bowl. This is in an above ground marinara swimming pool for rats.”
Hot Dog Stuffed Crust is an Abomination
“If one thing can match the depravity and excess of a Donald Trump candidacy, [it’s this],” he said. “What kind of idiot would ever put this into their mouth? Pizza Hut, how dare you.”
Don’t Stack Your Slices
When he noticed that Donald Trump stacked two slices on top of one another on his plate, he flipped. “With all due respect, when you stack slices of pizza, the steam from the bottom is the slice is going to make the top crust… maybe all those years of making your hair do whatever it is that it does, you think you can go around layering anything you want to layer…”