Yes, folks, fall is officially here. The leaves are changing colors, there’s a little nip in the air, it’s dumping snow in Upstate New York already, and everybody is freaking out. Why does everybody get so excited about fall? Is it because they’re sad that summer is over so they try to convince themselves that fall is the best? It’s a mystery. Here are five reasons why everyone needs to chill out about fall.
Pumpkin Spice Is Miserable
Pumpkin spice is a perfectly pleasant combination of cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, and other “warm” spices. It works great with pumpkin pie. And only pumpkin pie. Starbucks decided to flavor their coffee with it and everyone went nuts, so now everybody is jumping on the bandwagon. If you want pumpkin spice, eat a slice of pumpkin pie, or have some mulled cider. Don’t drink pumpkin spice vodka.
It Keeps Getting Colder and Colder
Fall is a slow descent into frigid hopelessness. Sure, you’ll get a few charmingly pleasant days in the mid-60s to show off your new sweater, but before you know it it’ll be 28 and gusty.
It’s Impossible to Dress Correctly
When it’s 40 degrees on your way to work and 68 degrees on your lunch break, what are you supposed to wear? Be prepared to be schlepping sweaters and jackets around all season long.
Root Vegetables Aren’t All That
Fall is all about trying to figure out the best ways to cook root vegetables, which are basically just balls of starch that aren’t nearly as tasty or versatile as a potato. Just eat a potato. And the less said about squash, the better.
It’s Impossible to Lose Weight
When it gets dark at 5 p.m. and each day is progressively colder than the last, do we want to hit the gym and have a light salad for dinner? No we want to curl up with Netflix and lasagna. Good luck accomplishing anything at the gym, especially with Thanksgiving and its 5,000 calorie meal right around the corner.