Stephen Colbert Protects His Fruit

Colbert offers advice on how to keep your bananas out of harm’s way

Banana Bunkers

Stephen Colbert teaches viewers an important lesson on last night’s Colbert Report: the importance of keeping your bananas safe from bumps and bruises using the brand new high-tech product the Banana Bunker.

The Banana Bunker is no more than a banana-shaped plastic tube that fits around the fruit in an effort to protect it from anything that may harm it.

Colbert begins the segment with a dire warning. 

“You need to safeguard all your assets: Cash, real estate, and of course fruit,” he said.

Banana Bunker to the rescue.

“Too often your fruit investments, especially bananas, are vulnerable to smushing, jostling, or rough-handling while pretending to use it as a phone,” Colbert said. “Well that ends now thanks to the Banana Bunker, the only all-in-one protection system that keeps your individual banana safe.”

The report goes on to explain how to properly use the Banana Bunker, and there is even a demonstration. A man drops a banana in a Banana Bunker from a fifth story balcony and alas, the banana is unharmed! 

Believe it or not, this is a real product on the market, and Colbert promises he paid $16 for it: $6.99 for the Bunker, and $8.55 shipping and handling. 

“Yeah, it’s pricey. But it will spare you the time and humiliation of cutting of the bruised part or buying another banana for 25 cents. Which means the Banana Bunker pays for itself in only 64 bananas,” Colbert said. 

Colbert has only one complaint about the product: it is not to be used for his apples, zucchini, or plantains. 

“For that,” he said, “you need the Plantain Paddock.”