Nina In New York: New Dolls Look Like Your Mom (In A Non-Creepy Way)

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

When I was a girl, my grandmothers looked like they were right out of central casting. One was the stereotypical Jewish bubbie, all Eastern European bosom, pulled back silver hair and south Florida tan. She was an effortless genius in the kitchen in a way has died with spoken Yiddish. The other, whether she was walking the dogs or touring the Met, was never seen without a silk scarf, matching brooch, and perfect white perm. Both were roughly four feet tall, both favored elastic waistbands, and both would have thought going to the gym was something reserved for those in need of intensive physical therapy.

Now that thirty is the new twenty and sixty is the new forty, my mother, mother-in-law, and friends' moms look absolutely nothing like what we tend to imagine when we think of dear old granny. There is no white hair, there are no muumuus or housecoats. Today's grandmas go to Soul Cycle, shop on the second floor of Bloomingdales, and sustain thriving careers well into their golden years. Perhaps no one will ever again possess the inherent ability to replicate my grandmother's egg salad, and the blue hair dye industry may be floundering, but progress cannot be stopped.

So now we have to revise popular culture's perception of matriarchs to match reality. See ya, Strega Nonna. Enter, Modern Hugs dolls. Believe it or not, there is a man (and a very good son whose mother is very proud of him) out there who has given this issue some serious thought and come up with what seems to be a surprisingly marketable idea. The dolls, which strive to "provide children with a more accurate representation of how many grandmothers are living their lives today," come in five personalities and are designed to represent today's liberated nana. There's a sweet, bubbly Bubbie, a yoga-loving Earth Nana, an outdoorsy African American Mom-Mom, a career-oriented Abuela, and a sophisticated, lunching Glam-ma. Each is recordable, so that your kids' thoroughly modern Mimi can deliver a personal message to her grandbabies via the doll which best represents her. The company is open for crowd funding now, and I hope they can speed up their delivery date for this holiday season because one of them happens to look EXACTLY like a grandma I know. I mean, it's uncanny. It's like that episode of Seinfeld in which they discover an Estelle Costanza doll. This guy has already achieved his goal on a wildly micro level, or maybe he just knows my brother-in-law.

As for me, I'm waiting for some further product development before I can make a purchase. Because while these dolls may look more like the average grandma, they're lacking in depth. The company's website says they're looking for suggestions, and I've got one word: accessories. Specifically, I'd like to see a size XS doll with blonde highlights who comes with a kale salad, a clamshell phone, a functioning, miniature fax machine, and a lifetime print newspaper subscription. Now that's relatable.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!