WATCH: Nick Offerman Cultivates His Pizza Farm For Kids' School Lunches

Meet health expert Daniel Frances — as played by Nick Offerman (looking very Ron Swanson-like) — who is here to show you his pizza farm with pepperoni "fresh from Mother Earth."

In this video from Funny Or Die, Frances takes us on a tour of the rest of his farm of healthy foods for kids, showing off his taquito trees and fields of sloppy Joes watered with Coca-Cola (which tastes "like mother's milk"). He also gives a young girl the option to choose between an apple and a taquito, but warns her against the fruit, saying that the taquitos are picked from a tree and brought to school lunch trays.

"So stop pushing gross fruits and vegetables on [kids] and let them dig into a fresh-picked bushel of hot flaky fish fingers," Frances says.

All jokes aside, Offerman made this parody video for the American Heart Association to push Congress to renew the Healthy, Hungry-Free Kids Act of 2010, which expires on September 30. This act ensures that kids are eating nutritious meals at school and sets nutrition standards for school lunch.

To round out the parody, he closes by saying: "If [food's] on a plant, it's good for you. Who cares how it got there? French fries are practically salads, which is why I like mine with ranch."