Lonely Hearts' Valentine's Day Menu

Valentine's Day can go many ways. Certain "happy" couples spend their monthly budgets on dinners that feel more like snacks, while others go downtown in hopes of escaping that awkward what-are-we? limbo. Those without a significant other (cough, cough) will likely be alone on the couch with some takeout and Friday Night Lights.

But not this year, fellow single peeps! Rest assured—what we lack in love, we shall make up for in food. Now put down your bag of Reese's hearts and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Here's a menu to prove to everyone that yes, the single life actually is enjoyable, thank you for asking.

Penne alla Vodka

Because, let's be real, you should incorporate as much alcohol as possible into this meal. Tip: for more flavor, boil pasta in a pot of tears salted water.


There are plenty of (shell)fish in the sea. Might as well eat one.

Candied rose petals

Made with those flowers your mom sent. They're pretty, and so are you, dammit.

Coffee ice cream

It's bitter and cold, like your heart.

A box of wine and a straw

Wine box, juice box—potato, po-tah-to.

Now before you start cooking, throw your Snuggie in the dryer. Come dinnertime, it'll feel just like a warm embrace. Not like you wanted one, anyways.

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