It’s not as though we haven’t tried to teach you how to open wine without a corkscrew before.
We have, time after time! You may have learned how to open wine with a shoe or a nail or even a syringe — whatever you, through your myriad life choices, happen to have on hand. This time, we’ve got some new options for you. Breathtaking options.
Ok, so some of these methods of opening a wine bottle might not always be the handiest (who has access to a blow torch but just can’t find that pesky corkscrew?), but that doesn’t stop them from being completely awesome. Are you sick of opening wine after wine in the easiest manner possible, and without an abundance of sheer panache? Then this is just your ticket — here’s how to win friends and influence people. With wine.
1. House Keys
Don’t keep a wine key on your keychain? Not shocking; wine-opening fobs are a little less common than their bottle opener cousins. But chances are (at least until the future arrives and we can all just enter our houses by scanning our retinas at the front door) that you do have keys on your keychain. And if you’ve got a standard house key, you can unlock a bottle full of deliciousness.
2. A Blow Torch
This guy has our heart in basically every way. While a blow torch might be a somewhat, you know, impractical method of opening a bottle of wine, we’re pretty sure it’s also the most undeniably badass. Want to seriously impress a date? Invite her on a picnic, wear American flag shorts, and proceed to blowtorch open a bottle of cabernet. Sure, she might think you’re crazy, but in that “wild and crazy guy” kind of way. Plus, the blow torch can perform a dual function: make a nice, crispy crust on top of a beautiful crème brûlée for dessert.
3. A Power Drill
This is one of those scenarios that come up every time you’ve just finished moving into a new house: you order pizza for all the friends who helped you haul boxes across town, you send your sweetheart out for a couple of bottles of wine and beer, and then you can’t find the one box marked “IMPORTANT: KITCHEN: DO NOT LOSE: SERIOUSLY.” You can, of course, find “BACK ROOM: STORAGE: TOOLS: WHO CARES.” And inside? A drill. Pop those suckers open andhope for the best.
4. A Saber
Oh, you want to just knock the head off a bottle of Champagne nonchalantly with a saber? Alton Brown shows you how to handle the situation with aplomb. He also notes that you can just as easily use a katana, if you have some of those handy. Watch your thumbs!
5. A Wall and a Newspaper
So this option may lack the sex appeal of sabers and blow torches, but what this method lacks in exoticism it makes up for in ease and practicality. So this is basically the Toyota Corolla of wine bottle opening: sensible and dull. Still, the contents of the bottle are the real prize here, right?