9 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes (Slideshow)

"Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants."

— Kevin James

 "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

― Jon Stewart

"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day…"
— Irv Kupcinet

"Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing breadcrumbs up a dead bird's butt."

— Roseanne Barr

"I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It's a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving."

― Craig Ferguson

"Thanksgiving was nothing more than a Pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a brief detour."

― Augusten Burroughs, You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas

"I love Thanksgiving turkey… it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts."

— Arnold Schwarzenegger

"What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?"

— Erma Bombeck

"Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."

 — Johnny Carson