13 Christmas Food Gifts for People You Don't Like (Slideshow)
December 16, 2013
Forget the coal and be a creative Grinch this holiday season
Fish of the Month Club
Based on seasonality and freshness, every Monday you can send a stinky present for an equally stinky person. Granted, you’ll be spending $297 bucks to send this smelly gift, but your recipient will feel that pang of disgust all year long.
If you are feeling particularly cruel and awful this holiday season, give someone you hate a tin of homemade cookies with this accurate fat-measuring tool on top of them. You’ll give them a complex and a cheap gift all at once.
Really, nothing says "you can’t cook" like an infomercial gadget. The Potato Express basically implies that the person you are gifting it to is incapable of performing even the simplest of tasks (i.e. baking a freaking potato).
It probably doesn’t get any lamer than the gift of a cheesecloth. Sure, you may have given them a slightly useful tool, but nothing will beat the look of disappointment on their face when they open that lackluster gift.
The Dog Dicer
Both lame and slightly insulting, The Dog Dicer tells the recipient that you don’t think they are worth a real present while also implying that they are incapable of being a decent parent. Really, a win-win gift.
Wine Sippy Cup
Do you have an annoying friend who can’t keep it together every time you go out and ends up embarrassing you by spilling their drink everywhere? The Wine Sippy Cup is like the ninja of bad gifts — your klutzy friend will think it is a lighthearted gag gift but inside you know this gift says "I think you’re a failure" all over it.
This cheap gift is so lame and so retro, we doubt that the recipient would even know what it was when they opened it! A Jell-O mold gift set is almost as tacky as the resulting product, and perfect for that cheeseball you hate.
Diet IN-Considerate Gifts
Do you have a vegan on your gift list you can’t stand? Or a gluten-free abider who has no traces of an actual allergy to gluten? Gift them the unthoughtful gift of something that they can literally never use like an Omaha Steak package or a bread basket gift set. Just bask in the glory of the offensiveness.
The Ove Glove
It is like giving a gift of pure ugly. Thought functional, this will elicit no joy when the recipient opens it, as The Ove Glove is possibly one of the lamest gifts ever.
Boil-Over Safe Guard
With this gift, you are literally telling someone that they are too stupid to even boil water properly. The minute they open this gift they will know just how deep your dislike is for them. Unless of course they are too stupid to understand that, too.
If you’re interested in gifting a heart attack this year, try giving the special person you hate a scorpion lollipop. Though artfully executed, this sucker will make your recipient actually feel like a sucker after unwrapping this gem.
Pure Cap Hot Sauce
Do you have a food-loving friend who is obsessed with saying that they can take the heat? Do you hate that said friend? Gift them this Pure Cap Hot Sauce and shut them up… literally, like forever, as their taste buds will likely be burnt off.
Durian Fruit Basket
A fruit basket seems like a really sweet gesture, until it is stink-bombed with the worst-smelling fruit ever. Adding a durian or two to the basket (or making an entire basket of durian fruit) will leave your recipient gagging for their lives.