When it comes to dining at chain restaurants, you pretty much know what you’re going to get. If a friend suggests a visit to your local Applebee’s, even if you’ve never been to that location before, you probably have a good idea of the décor, menu, and service, simply because, well, it’s an Applebee’s. For this reason, there’s not much of a reason to read Yelp reviews of major chain restaurants — but people still feel compelled to write them. We tracked down some of the most hilarious ones written about America’s biggest sit-down chains.
If you’ve spent any time reading Yelp reviews (and who hasn’t?), you’ll probably have noticed that there are four main types of Yelp review: the positive review, the average review, the bad review, and the nonsense review. The first three are pretty self-explanatory, but the nonsense review is in a league of its own. These are usually written to entertain the reader instead of actually providing any valuable information, and while most don’t actually succeed at amusing anyone except for the writer, some are downright hilarious.
There’s something about chain restaurants that inspires more nonsense Yelp reviews than any other type of restaurant. Maybe this is because the whole concept of chain restaurants is inherently slightly silly, as these companies are constantly trying to one-up one another with increasingly desperate tactics. At the same time, chains are becoming more and more streamlined and polished, making each visit essentially the same experience as you would find in any chain restaurant anywhere. Also, most people would agree that while most chain restaurant meals are perfectly acceptable, very few of them are legitimately great, which also leaves the door open for comedy.
So read on for a lighter look at the world of chain restaurants from some seriously funny people. They may not be exactly helpful in describing the finer points of cuisine and service, but they’re certainly worth a read for other, more comical reasons.
“If you're a vegetarian, there are just some places you shouldn't go to. Sausage factory. Pig roast. Republican National Convention. And Applebee's.
I've been in Applebeeses before, but they at least tried to have something vaguely edible on the menu, this one had the craziest foods: Caribbean pasta, Thai noodles, WHAT? I ordered a soup and salad and then had to send it back because the salad had BACON on it. IS NOTHING SACRED? It wasn't even a *hint* of bacon, the bacon had solidly proliferated the salad.
Unless you're going for cocktails and appetizers, don't try to actually eat anything at this Applebee's. Try Chuck E. Cheese upstairs. They may have a cheese pizza option for vegetarians. They just might.” — Meghan Sara K, Brooklyn
“Oh hell no. This place is a disaster. We came for happy hour but then decided to sit at a table, which was probably the worst idea of my life. Our appetizer came out AFTER the food, and it wasn't even right. Then, in the middle of my already unclassy meal, I witnessed a drug deal right behind me. I love Inglewood.” — Kalin M., Los Angeles