Honestly, this video may just speak for itself. YouTube channel "Meanwhile in Russia" has this incredible footage of a hunting dog fetching a handle of vodka for a treat. Apparently the dog's name is Tsar, and he is adorable.
According to the YouTube section, "Tsar the dog knows exactly how to be man's best friend. He is very talanted and clever dog as you can see." Naturally, this has been done before, with all the "beer me" dogs on YouTube. But vodka? That's definitely heavier than a can of beer.
In the meantime, we're going to go try to get our tiny maltese to do this. It probably won't work, since maltese dogs are tiny, but New York City apartments are limiting. The guy in the video has a short-haired German pointer, which might be a better bet. Now please excuse us as we try to name dog breeds that can fit the word "vodka" in them. Vodkita? Vodkanaan? Nevermind, just watch the video for inspiration.