Anthony Bourdain Shares Cooking Tips for Unicorn, Man

Bourdain suggests deep-frying Dick Cheney

Wikimedia/Tammy Green

If Anthony Bourdain’s next book is titled How to Serve Man, just run.

At the Great GoogaMooga Festival this weekend, The Huffington Post reports that Bourdain stopped by to trash-talk Paula Deen, threaten the Olive Garden with immolation, and offer some cooking suggestions if anyone happens to be in the position of needing to eat a human being.

If he were trapped in a cave with another person, or on a boat with a bunch of his chef friends and one guy who wasn’t pulling his weight, Bourdain said he’d have no problem with cooking the slacker in a slow braise. (Dick Cheney, on the other hand, should properly be served deep-fried, according to Bourdain.)

While he said he’d eat human, Bourdain did clarify that it wouldn’t be his first resort, he’d sooner just eat a bag of Doritos. (The real surprise here is that he’d eat the Doritos.)

At one point a little girl asked Bourdain how he’d cook a unicorn, and he suggested roasting the loin, grilling the legs, braising the forequarter, and using the horn to pick your teeth after the meal. Unicorn bone marrow is, of course, delicious.