'Mixologist' Rap Pokes Fun at All Your Fancy Cocktails

From the guys behind the Whole Foods Parking Lot rap, here's a song to scream at your bartender when you're really wasted


Sure, "Sh*t Bartenders Say" was kind of funny, but in the cocktail culture of $16 drinks, this rap video is spot on. The guys behind the Whole Foods parking lot rap have laid down "Mixologist," with a beat from cocktail shaking and ice cubes clinking.

Of course, as Eater points out, the rap is funny enough ("Hey Mr. Mixologist/ Did you have to go to college for this?/I know you're game is tight/ but pour the drinks ai'ite?/ At this rate we'll be standing here all night"), but the gems are the fake cocktails featured in the video. There are cocktails with raw octopus and squid, chicken feet, foam, and fire, to which the rappers say, "Dude you've been watching too much Boardwalk Empire."

Other cocktails include smoked salmon-infused vodka (which might be amazing in a bloody mary, actually), Chewbacca's Jacuzzi (kashyyyk champagne, muddled Slim Jim, carbonite rinse), a Hyphy Hangover (Grape Four Loko, peychaud bitterz, thizz face), and the Avon Barksdale (Henessey, soda, free range heroin foam). The most depressing cocktail award goes to S. Wilson's Boulevard of Broken Dreams (sour mash haterade, bitters, Smirnoff Ice, human tears).

Check out the video below to see digs at speakeasies, waxed mustaches, and egg white cocktails.

 


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