What to Do When You’re Not Invited

Whether you're left out or locked out, how to deal when everyone is partying — without you


Every week, our resident experts Mindy Lockard and Coryanne Ettiene answer etiquette questions from modern day hosts, offering advice from both traditional and contemporary perspectives.

Have a question you want answered? Send us an email with your dilemma, and then check back every week for new tips and advice.

This week’s question: All of my friends were invited to a big party, but I wasn't. I'm friends with them all, so what should I do?  

Coryanne: Even the most well-intentioned host has restrictions on how many people they can invite. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do as a host is to not invite someone. In this instance, the best thing to do is not make the host feel worse for excluding you by drawing attention to your lack of invitation, and to understand that not everyone can be invited to every party. Make yourself busy that night by booking a spa treatment, going out to dinner with someone you have not seen in a while (and who you know is not invited), or simply take advantage of the night by catching up on your DVR.  

Mindy: Although I always suggest to my clients that they "cast their net wide" when extending invitations, the reality is no net can cover everyone, someone will always be left out to some extent. And yet, knowing this doesn't make it feel "us" feel any better, does it?

If you find yourself in this situation, the best thing to do is not to dwell on it, become angry, complain to others, or replay "confronting" conversations over and over in our head. This will only perpetuate the problem. Instead, take time to branch out, and ask someone you've wanted to get together with to meet you for a drink. Put on your heels and rise above those hurt feelings... You will look and feel better for it!

About Our Experts: Mindy Lockard is The Gracious Girl and offers traditional etiquette advice with a modern, gracious twist. Coryanne Ettiene believes entertaining at home should be an everyday affair; she shares contemporary advice for modern living at Housewife Bliss.

Click here to see more tips and advice from our experts. 


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