Calling all muscle-cultivators and general breakfast enthusiasts: If you’re tired of slamming down bowl after bowl of oatmeal for breakfast while on your quest to musclebound health, we may have found a solution for you: It’s time to ditch the spoon and start eating with your hands.
Toast could be your new favorite muscle-building meal. Yes, you can eat breakfast the way that John Wayne does (that’s with your hands, young fella/lady) and acquire ape-like strength from it. It all starts with choosing the right bread.
Exclusively Use Sprouted Grain Bread
We’re going to take some phrases directly from the website of our favorite brand of sprouted grain bread, Ezekiel 4:9, in order to show you why it’s so damned good for your muscles
“Ezekiel 4:9 products are crafted in the likeness of the Holy Scripture verse Ezekiel 4:9 to ensure unrivaled honest nutrition and pure, delicious flavors.” Have you ever heard the phrase “reps for Jesus?” Yeah, Ezekiel bread can take you there. This bread:
Don’t quote us, but with a list of attributes like the ones just highlighted we’re pretty sure that eating sprouted grain breads will increase your squat by 50 pounds in two weeks. OK, that’s pretty farfetched, but adding quality calories to the beginning of your day via heaping piles of healthy fats and a good amount of protein will certainly help.
All Avocado Errything
Have you ever followed a diet plan or made a recipe that includes half of an avocado? If you’re trying to get strong, don’t do that. Ever. You’ll want to eat giant, healthy, whole avocados while trying to grow.
Regardless of how many slices of sprouted grain toast you make, you’ll want to put half of an avocado on each one (if you read the small paragraph right before this, then you’ll be wise enough to note that this means at least two slices of muscle toast). When selecting your giant avocados, be sure to get the best ones by using this avocado ripeness-checking hack.
More Fats, for the Gains!
Do we know what chia seeds really are? No, we don’t, but the people at companies like Health Warrior certainly do. It’s said that an ounce of chia seeds is equal to five ounces of salmon in terms of omega-3 content, has as much calcium as half of a cup of one percent milk, contains the same amount of magnesium as five cups of broccoli, and has as much protein as one and one-half ounces of egg. Oh, and the ancient Aztecs used them as battle fuel. That sounds like a simple nutritional “yes” to us.
Did You Mention Eggs?
We sure did. The eggs in your fridge are probably angry that they just got dissed by chia seeds. Appease them by cracking a few open, frying them in coconut oil (more clean calories, more muscles) to a dippy consistency, and plopping one down on each piece of the avocado-chia-muscle toast that you’ve assembled thus far.
Disclaimer: If you are about to raise your hand and ask about removing the yolk, we suggest hot gluing your hand to the desk until the end of this lesson. Yolks is life, people. Yolks is life.
“Helping Others Is the Secret Sauce to a Happy Life”
…said no one ever. The secret sauce to a happy life is a strong body, and the secret sauce to a strong body is drowning your avocado toast in spicy vegetables. Frying your eggs in coconut oil will undoubtedly give them a (delightfully) mellow flavor, so we suggest topping your muscle toast with calorie-sparse salsa (the kind with no added sugars) to add flavor and to fuel your metabolic fire. Struggling to find salsa with no added sugar? Green Mountain Gringo makes a variety of tasty organic salsas with no sugar added, but if you don’t want to break the bank on one jar of salsa, Tostitos is a great, affordable no-sugar-added option.
Muscling Through Macro Numbers
Don’t fear calories on your quest to becoming bigger, stronger, and faster. By incorporating a bunch of healthy fats into your morning meal, you’ll be sure to have enough energy to get through the most primal and arduous of deadlift sessions later in the day. Each slice of dippy egg avocado sprouted grain toast with chia seeds and zesty salsa (what a mouthful #punintended) consists of:
That’s 510 calories (or so... food companies tend to loosely round their macro numbers, and if you do the math by hand this toast is actually a good deal more calorie-dense than the provided calorie totals suggest) comprised of 39.5 grams of fat, 32 grams of carbs, and 15 grams of protein per slice, or 1020 muscular gain-inspiring, clean calories per two slices. Oh, there will be growth.