Peanut butter and jelly-flavored vodka.
Kudos to the person whose mind isn’t sent into immediate overdrive with snarky, satirical quips about preschoolers drinking and ridiculously named "martinis" at the mention of such a concept.
The thing is, PB&J vodka isn’t just a concept — it’s a real product, recently released by Van Gogh Vodka. What exactly does peanut butter and raspberry jelly-flavored vodka taste like, you might ask? Per a report in BarBiz, "While the fragrance is predominately of peanuts, it is complemented by the fresh fruit aroma of the raspberry. On the tongue, the roles are reversed and the raspberry flavor is more of the focal point, giving it a velvety texture with a hint of vanilla on the side."
What’s that? You just thought of another good joke? Alright, let’s see how it stacks up to the media’s best uncensored jabs, listed below in no particular order.
1) Cocktail Enthusiast: "The bottle is decorated like the average Willy Wonka factory. Or My Little Pony wallpaper."… "If that’s your thing, Van Gogh PB&J vodka is hitting store shelves now and retails for about $27. Or a week’s worth of allowance for your average sixth-grader."
2) The Bottom Line on msnbc.com: "Evidently, Van Gogh Vodka sees the need for alcoholics to embrace their inner second-grader."… "We’re not even sure how to drink this? Straight up? PB&J-tini? As punishment for crimes in a past life?"
3) Frank Bruni, via Twitter: "No no NO. A flavor too far, folks. In my inbox: Van Gogh’s new PB&J vodka. For what? A Skippy-tini? Garnished w/ itsy marshmallows?"
4) Geekosystem: "Since the recent creation of NutLiquor (say it out loud), the world has been held in suspense for someone to take the next logical step and create a peanut butter and jelly flavored vodka."… "At long last, you can get that 'mom packed my lunch' flavor from booze."
5) Gothamist: "Their distiller says, 'It is fresh, fruity, and mingles very well with the oily structure of the peanut butter.' Speaking of 'oily,' why not chase this bad boy with a shot of bacon grease? It’s what Elvis would have done."