Watch: Man Fails Fantastically at Cutting a Watermelon with a Sword

Guess what happens next…

If you value any of your possessions, including your limbs, don’t try this at home. 

If there were ever a video to prove that children are definitely not the only ones who need supervision, it’s this one. In the video below, a man identified as “Ali” attempts to cut a watermelon in half with a giant sword — which, as he quickly learns, is not a good idea.

We won’t ruin the video by telling you exactly what happens, but we’ll give you three guesses.

We have so many questions for Ali. For one thing, where did you even get a sword like this? For another, was there someone in the audience you were trying to impress? If so, it didn’t work.

As the woman in the background says, “That’s exactly what I thought was gonna happen.”

On YouTube, the video’s uploader writes, “He is completely sober.”

That may be, but sobriety doesn’t always offer rational decision making, especially when one is being filmed. We understand the impulse, Ali, but we can’t all be Alton Brown.