This past week, hungover New Yorkers feared the loss of unlimited Sunday morning mimosas due to revelations that bottomless brunch specials were possibly illegal. Last Tuesday, The New York City Hospitality Alliance released a statement that in most cases promotions that offer an unlimited amount of drinks during any set period of time for a fixed price are illegal. This was followed by a statement on Thursday that ”there is a limited exception in the statute when the service of alcohol is incidental to the event, such as in the case of certain brunch specials.” The bottom line is that licensees have a legal obligation to not over serve their patrons so much alcohol that they have to stagger home on a Sunday morning and that there is always an exception or loophole to be found.
Vegan Chipotle aficionados, rejoice. Starting May 3rd, Chipotle will now be offering a tofu “sofritas” option as an alternative protein. And like any protein choice it can be chosen for burritos, bowls, or tacos. The “Sofrito” Tofu (GMO-free) is being made by an Oakland based company, Hudo Soy, and is described as ”organic shredded tofu braised with chipotle chilies, roasted poblano peppers and a blend of aromatic spices.” Perhaps even tofu haters may find something to love with the new addition.
If we are to apply the logic that one is what one eats, this man, Dan, is made out of pizza. Dan has eaten nothing but cheese pizza for the past 25 years and plans to continue to do so for the rest of his life. We repeat, this man has eaten nothing but cheese pizza for 25 years. As much as you say you might like pizza, you evidently do not like pizza as much as this guy does, and you should probably be okay with that. Especially considering Dan has diabetes and frequently gets low blood sugar. Despite all the obstacles one would imagine being limited to one food, the only one Dan really encounters is that ”[he]would like to be able to go to a restaurant where they didn’t serve pizza and order off the menu, which [he] can’t really do right now. In addition to pizza Dan also enjoys processed food, preservatives, and (we imagine longs) walks on the beach.
Chipotle isn’t the only one who’s releasing new menu items. Starting March 27,”Taco Bell will bring  a classic breakfast experience, leading with the Waffle Taco and A.M. Crunchwrap, but also offer a menu of breakfast burritos, tacos and value offerings plus a pipeline of new products to continue waking up breakfast options and connecting with our fans.” The press release also stated: “Taco Bell Breakfast comes as a change to the traditional quick service restaurant (QSR) breakfast routine, bringing the brand’s distinctive approach to a crowded breakfast sandwich market. Taco Bell will not just deliver but will bring a little más to morning time, offering consumers a break from the usual.” Basically, Taco Bell is trying to give McDonalds a run for all the money they make selling Egg McMuffins.
Redefining original reporting, First We Feast got a hold of the 18 year old who goes by the name of Thot Pocket, who became twitter famous for a split second before Twitter suspended his account. Reason being for his suspension was his apparently out of control adultery of a Pop Tarts and a Hot Pocket. He had “sex” with a box of brown sugar cinnamon Pop Tarts and a ham and cheese Hot Pocket, although we’re not even sure “sex” is the appropriate terminology. And apparently Thot Pocket ”would definitely recommend it, if you’re lonely. I wouldn’t recommend putting it on Vine, but I’d recommend fuckin’ a Hot Pocket probably. It wasn’t bad. It’s messy, though.” Read the whole interview here for a deeper understanding of why somebody would think it a good idea to have intercourse with at Hot Pocket and then put it on the internet.