I Followed Khloé Kardashian's Diet For A Week And This Is What Happened

Have you ever wanted to have a body like a Kardashian sister? Whether or not you'd actually admit it, you probably have. They have curves for days! And if you've ever wondered how they got that way, they'll tell you it's through diet and exercise (though most suspect that plastic surgery plays a significant role).

So, when Khloé Kardashian's nutritionist Dr. Philip Goglia detailed her diet in an interview with Healthista earlier this month, I decided to give it a whirl and see just how these ladies live. Honestly, reading through it, it didn't seem that insane.

After losing 40 pounds last year and then sort of falling off the weight-loss wagon, I figured eating like Khloé could be a decent way to jumpstart my healthy eating habits once again. I mean, what could go wrong?! Sure, eating a cup of celery and 12 almonds for a "meal" is downright sad, but when you think of it as a snack, it's fine... or so I thought.

Before my diet even officially started, I ran into some speed bumps. It probably goes without saying, but eating like a Kardashian is insanely expensive. I followed Khloé's diet plan and stocked up on fresh fish, fruits, vegetables, and almonds. It cost me about $90 for five days' worth of groceries, and I didn't even shop organic. Normally, I try to do my grocery shopping on a tight budget, like $50 a week for me and my husband. It may surprise you, but an online journalist doesn't make nearly as much as... a socialite/Instagram advertiser/occasional TV host. (Seriously, what does Khloé's business card say?)

Also, Khloé has a chef who will prep her meals for her, but once again, I don't have her money, so it was up to me to cook. Working full-time and coming home to cook is a goal I always have, but like many New Yorkers, it's one I rarely achieve.

Day 1:

Meal 1: I've never been a breakfast person. Even as a kid, getting me to eat a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch was a daily struggle for my dad. And Cinnamon Toast Crunch is delicious! So I'm not looking forward to having to get up early and make myself something for breakfast — especially something in which one of the main ingredients is ice. But I persist and make my smoothie. Because I've already totally busted my grocery budget and because I hate the taste and texture, I forgo the protein powder — so I have a "shake" of strawberries, almond butter, and ice. My husband thinks the sound of the blender in the morning is reminiscent of farts, and the taste of this shake is only slightly better than that.

Meal 2: An apple isn't typically thought of as an entrée. But, for Khloé, it is a complete meal. My pomme of choice is a Golden Delicious. Granted, it is fairly delicious. But I'm hungry. Eating in the morning is supposed to help fuel your day, but this just makes me ravenous.

Meal 2.5: You know what Khloé doesn't necessarily drink? Coffee. That is a big no-no in my book. I work an office job, and even the idea of forgoing coffee is exhausting. I do some journalistic research (i.e., "Google it"), and find that, in a former diet plan, Khloé did indulge in a cup of black coffee every morning. I think this means I didn't even make it five hours on the #KhloeDiet, but I'm allowing myself this small indulgence.

I never said I was a role model.

Meal 3: I heard that Khloé will eat a Chinese chicken salad for lunch, and lucky for me, that's one of my favorite lunches too! I find a low-calorie ginger sesame salad dressing at the store and pour it on top of my salad. It tastes surprisingly good! The texture of raw spinach always makes my teeth feel weird, but it's a small price to pay for a #revengebody.

Meal 4: Now I face the true test: the infamous cup of celery and 12 almonds. It's so depressing, and I am so excited to eat it because it is awful. The celery is fine, but it tastes weirdly bitter in a way that makes me think I don't know how to properly wash my vegetables. The almonds, on the other hand, are the first things that have made me feel mildly satiated all day.

Meal 5: More fresh vegetables. Since I was chopping up a bell pepper for my salad the night before, I cut some extra slices for my fifth meal. I am not going to stomach raw tomatoes. Raw tomatoes are gross, and bell peppers have tons of vitamins, too, so it balances out (in my mind). I'm also a little sad because I forgot to shock my hard-boiled eggs when I made them, so they're a little gray. I swear I know how to make perfect hard-boiled eggs. I'm only human, though, and I messed up.

Meal 6: I arrive home from work tired and hungry. Normally, I would order some takeout pizza on a long Monday like this one, but I channel the strength of Khloé after her divorce from Lamar and cook a meal. Despite the blistering NYC heat, I bake a salmon steak in the oven and sauté asparagus. I deviate a bit from Kardashian's dairy-free lifestyle and use some butter in my dinner. (I'm counting only about 900 calories for the day, which is dangerously low. I have to pad it with some lovely fats, so I go with a classic.) I pair it with another Asian salad.

Meal 7: Dinner keeps me full for like 45 minutes, but then I am famished again. It's 9 p.m. and I cut up a mango as my final meal. It's the fruit of my choice! It tastes alright, but doesn't do nearly enough to cut my hunger. I'm tired, and it's easiest to just go to bed at this point.

Day 2:

Meal 1: My place is boiling-lava hot, because it is 95 degrees in New York City. I wake up actually looking forward to my strawberry and almond butter smoothie. Once again, the blender wakes up my husband (sorry Kevin!). Khloé doesn't have this problem. She lives in a mansion, not a two-room Brooklyn apartment.

Meal 1.5: I stop for coffee at my favorite local café. I indulge by putting some skim milk and a Splenda in my iced coffee. Once again, it's a little naughty, but Khloé is sassy, and I think she would appreciate this devilishness.

Meal 2: I go for a banana for this meal. It's as good as a banana is. Which is good! I like bananas!

Meal 3: Another salad. This diet is honestly starting to feel like a lot of chewing. Also, as the week goes on, my prepped chicken gets tougher to chew, and my spinach gets softer and soggier.

Meal 4: A coworker got ice cream macarons (!!!) sent to her, so she offers them around, but Khloé would never touch something so indulgent — unless it's a cheat meal, which I already plan to partake in later in the evening. So I walk away and return to my friend: celery and almonds. A sad desk lunch has never been so, so sad.

Meal 5: I cut too much celery this morning, so I actually eat it twice in one day. It is boring, especially because I forgot my hard-boiled egg at home. I also somehow have just, like, a ton of energy all of a sudden. I believe myself to be delirious from the hunger, because everything seems funny and great — except my diet, which is still a serious bummer.

Meals 6 and 7: This day marks my second wedding anniversary, which has been in the making for much longer than my Khloé diet. My husband made reservations at La Sirena a month ago because he loves me, whereas I volunteered to do this diet on a whim at 4:30 p.m. on a Friday because I hate myself. But Khloé herself enjoys one cheat meal a week, so I don't feel bad about all of the beer and pasta I consume. I have squid ink pasta with lobster, which is so fresh it tastes like the ocean. I also have a lasagna with a pesto so fragrant, I swear it was just picked from the garden. Yes, that's right: two pasta courses. I love carbs. What can I say?

Later that night, my husband and I break into our wedding cake. (It was back in a freezer in our native Ohio during our first anniversary.) It hasn't been put away with much care, so it tastes like pure freezer, but I'm OK with it. It's way better than more fresh fruit.

Day 3:

Meal 1: Despite indulging in a massive meal the night before, I wake up famished. I add a banana to my strawberry smoothie, and it makes a world of difference. I actually begin to regret eating that banana yesterday for meal No. 2, because I only bought three, and now I'll have to have a banana-less smoothie later in the week.

Meal 2: An apple. It's fine.

Meal 3: Another salad. It's fine, again. I really can't emphasize how much chewing I am doing with so little return. This diet is like a pure jaw workout.

Meal 4: The phrase "I hate vegetables" has never made sense to me. There are all kinds of delicious veggies out there, and blanket hating a food group is just baffling. But... I think I hate vegetables now? After two and a half days of eating raw celery, raw peppers, and raw spinach, I am O-V-E-R it. I keep things fresh by eating a second apple with my almonds, and I am happier for it.

Meal 5: Back to celery. It's boring and lame, but I power through. I remembered to bring my egg, so I shower that little baby with a ton of salt. In a moment of desperation, I drag my celery through the salt too, just for a bit of flavor. No one said the Khloé life was always glamorous.

Meal 6: I am skeptical of the grocery store cod I bought. I suspect it's actually flounder. Either way, I prepare it like it's cod, with a lovely breadcrumb topping, garlic, and lemon. I pair it with some steamed broccoli, which I drown in I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. This diet is leaving me so exhausted at the end of the day that I totally forget my optional fruit meal. I go to bed at 10 p.m.

Day 4:

Meal 1: Another banana and strawberry smoothie. The liquidness of my organic, 100 percent almond butter weirds me out. Why does it have to separate even after I put it in the fridge? Despite this and my generally averse attitude toward breakfast, I am considering adopting the smoothie into my normal meal plans. If I'm craving something sweet, this will be a way healthier alternative to a bunch of frozen Girl Scout cookies, which is what I typically would eat.

Meal 2: My coworkers are noticing how many apples I eat. By the end of the week, I will have consumed like eight of these Golden Delicious babies.

Meal 3: One reason I could never meal prep: Eating the same thing over and over again all week gets super-boring. I'm bored by this salad I once enjoyed. And, honestly, I'm just bored by this diet. I am tired and hungry, even though my jaw is aching from all the chewing I'm doing. I have no idea how Khloé eats this way and works out the way she does. Honestly, I doubt she eats like this. I lead a sedentary, office-bound lifestyle and I haven't been working out this week. And I'm starving. She has either be the most determined dieter in the world or a bit of a cheater.

Meal 4: If you've never counted almonds before eating them, let me tell you something: It's an insanely depressing thing to do. The only thing you could do with almonds that would be a bigger bummer is pair them with celery — which is what I have been doing all week.

Meal 5: I thought I had like six eggs in my fridge when I went grocery shopping, but I only had two. I already spent my limit on groceries; I somehow draw the line at buying another dozen eggs for $3. So I substitute an egg for a tablespoon of peanut butter. They both have protein and healthy fats, so I assume this is a reasonable thing to do. I've also substituted the vegetable with another apple, so really, this meal has nothing to do with Khloé at all.

Meal 6: I make more salmon, but opt for (what I assume is) a Khloé-approved Asian marinade. It's good! I pair this with some roasted acorn squash. I honestly don't know why I keep turning my oven to 425 degrees in the middle of June. I'm not working out, but I think the buckets of sweat I'm shedding in my hotter-than-Hades apartment are equivalent to 30 minutes on the treadmill.

Meal 7: Once again, I neglect to eat my final fruit. I do, however, drink three beers while I watch YouTube videos. But they're Brooklyn Summer Ales so 1) I am not even really tipsy after this, despite my famished state and 2) this summer ale had citrus notes, so I am counting it as a fruit.

Day 5:

Meal 1: With the bananas gone, it's back to a tired old strawberry and almond smoothie. I'm not going to lie: I was sad about this.

Meal 2: I love apples. They're my favorite basic fruit, but I don't think I need another one for quite some time.

Meal 3: My spinach is sad and wilted. I don't want to eat it, because at this point all leafy green vegetables gross me out — which means soggy leafy, green vegetables are just vile. I just pick out my chicken and eat that. I toss the rest in the trash.

Meal 4: I have some broccoli in my office fridge, but I just do not want to eat it at all. Even the thought of it sitting in there is making me gag a little bit. I am, however, miraculously OK with eating fresh fruits at this point. So I eat my 12 almonds with strawberries. I am... happy?

At this point, I officially pull out my white flag. Even though the broccoli is around, I just refuse to eat it. The very idea makes me feel ill. And it's Friday afternoon. I just want to have beers with my friends guilt-free, eat some burritos, and wake up in the morning without having to pull my immersion blender out of the closet this weekend. My editor corners me on my way out of the office to ask if I'm going to keep up my Khloé diet over the weekend, and in my famished, exhausted state, I just laugh. (Sorry, Susan!) I end my Friday by eating a fried chicken sandwich, a cheeseburger, fries, and a Diet Coke.

From eating like Khloé for five days, I can take a few things away. I know I should eat more leafy greens, whole foods, and fresh fruit. So I probably will. Though the noise of the blender was the bane of my husband's existence, I actually liked the smoothies I was making by the end of the week, so perhaps I'll replace ice cream and cookies with fruit and almond butter a few times a week.

I'm all for eating a well-balanced diet — which, aside from the bafflingly low calorie count, this one is. Eating tons of greens, lean protein, and fresh fruit is awesome! But when it's this repetitive and restrictive, you go a little crazy. And at about 1,000 calories a day, I could tell my head was in a fog midway through day two. Sure, I lost three pounds this week, but it was not worth the cost. I was sluggish at work, I was sluggish at home, and I picked up the baffling habit of talking to myself a ton.

Look to Khloé Kardashian for advice on marketing yourself, sure — but I can't recommend looking to her for diet advice. Her lifestyle is a complete and total anomaly. She has a chef who can make her brand new fresh chicken and spinach salads every day. She doesn't have to eat dry, rubbery chicken and soggy spinach when Friday rolls around. At the end of the day, this diet could maybe be sustainable if your main responsibilities are A) to have a bangin' body and B) to tell other people how to have a bangin' body. But it's hard for me to imagine keeping it up while maintaining my budget and my 9-to-5 job.

Carolyn Menyes is the entertain editor at The Daily Meal. She is weirdly addicted to comments on celebrity gossip blogs. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.