Now that you’re a cool college grown-up, you might be asking some different questions about this holiday. We’re here to help.
1. On all other nights we can eat our cheesy-bread-loving hearts out! Why on this night must I abide by a gluten-free diet?
We all know that you can’t eat bread on Passover because when the Jewish people left Egypt they didn’t have time to let their bread rise, so it became, ta-da!, matzah. But according to Jewish law, there are a whole bunch of things that qualify as chametz, the Hebrew word for anything you can’t eat on Passover. These include the five major grains, which are wheat, rye, barley, oats, and spelt, as well as rice, corn, peanuts, and legumes.
AKA Your carb of choice for the week is matzah. Note: This also means that you can no longer sit on the floor at 2 AM with your roommate eating Skinny Pop out of the bag. It’s just eight days, people.
2. On all other nights I can put my schmear on a bagel; how will it taste on my matzah?
Of course! When dealing with a matzah-heavy diet this Passover, there’s the trifecta of classic matzah toppings: cream cheese, butter, or pizza sauce and mozzarella. Those are enough to get you through a few days without getting bored, but they also are one-size-fits-all matzah meals. And we understand that. So we, your resident rabbinical authorities here in Ann Arbor (just kidding), graciously put together some matzah-based combos based on your individual needs.
If none of these work for you: remember you can still eat non-matzah-based meals like fruits, vegetables, meat, etc. But there’s really only once a year when it’s socially acceptable to break out what is essentially a giant cracker, so if I were you, I’d just find some way to live it up.
Remember that the possibilities are endless, and by endless I mean there aren’t that many of them but you should try to make the best of this holiday because it’s what our people have been doing for 5,000 years.
3. On all other nights I eat only pizza and macaroni; What if I am a picky eater?
This is Passover. You can’t afford to be picky. Next question.
4. On Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays I always drink vodka; Why on this night can I not?
Okay. So I have good news and I have bad news. Bad news: if you refer back to question #1, you will see that corn is off the table, and vodka is made out of corn, and therefore vodka is technically off the table. Good news: A few really nice understanding brands actually make potato vodka. Bad news: I’ve heard from a reliable source that potato vodka is largely vile. Good news: there is plenty of kosher for Passover wine to go around.
In conclusion: if the Jewish people wandered the desert for 40 years, you can probably survive eight days without cheesy bread or whatever your chametz-laden vice may be. Take this opportunity to go low-carb, to spring clean your kitchen, to test out some new recipes, or just to eat like Moses for a solid week. Your Bubbe would be so proud.
View the original post, The Real Four Questions of Passover: College Edition, on Spoon University.
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