Cyborg-ish Diet Machine Pumps Food Out of Stomach Into 'Skin-Port'

THIS IS TERRIFYING

Guys, we understand that losing weight is a big deal since it's January and you have those New Year's resolutions to stick to, but this new invention is just a bit too scary.

The Independent caught wind of a new invention, which Aspire Bariatrics recently filed for a patent for, that basically involves a tube attached to the inside of the stomach to filter out some of your stomach's content.

The tube, called the A-Tube, connects the inside of your stomach to a "Skin-Port" on the oustide of your stomach, which has a valve that can be opened or closed. "The patient empties a portion of stomach contents after each meal through this tube by connecting a small, handheld device to the Skin-Port," the website says.

Strangeness aside, the AspireAssist, as it's called, claims that the tube removes 30 percent of the food you eat, allowing proper calorie consumption and normal eating behaviors, all while reducing weight.

However, The Independent reports that problems have arisen, with a patient reporting "clogging" and the necessity to avoid meals with cauliflower, broccoli, snow peas, pretzels, chips, and steak, not to mention Chinese food. So patients won't really be able to eat normally (no chips? no takeout?), and Jezebel also notes that this sounds strangely like medically induced bulimia. Not the best comparison.

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