We never thought we'd see Michelle Obama and Guy Fieri in the same sentence either (other than that one time both ended up on our most powerful list), but here it is: both the first lady and the celebrity chef made it onto GQ's Least Influential People of 2012 list. And while there seemed to be no set method for determining who exactly are the least influential figures of 2012, we can probably all guess why Fieri, at least, made the list.
Obama got on there not because of her own abilities or inabilities, but because of the rest of us, GQ argues. Despite her best efforts, "We're still all hopeless corpulent sh*ts," GQ writes. "You tried, Mrs. Obama. You really did. Sorry we're such poor listeners. Now why not join the winning team and indulge in this delicious pint of Häagen-Dazs Caramel Cone ice cream? It's so rich and sweet and delectable. Come on. REWARD YOURSELF."
As for Fieri? The "white-trash fusion chef" got ridiculed for his Turkey Tequila Fettuccine and Cheetos dust. No mention of the Pete Wells review that sparked a ton of supporters, however. Head on over to GQ for the entire list. Warning: Snark-enduced capitalization and exclamation points ensue.